Great thoughts on the baby/sleep issue, ladies. Thank you for your input - indeed, we are all different and our babes are all different, and some of us have had events take place that changed our original intentions. I just think it's important for women in general to support each other in their decisions (breastfeed or not, co-sleep or not, etc.) and not cut each other down. Though I would personally not allow my daughter to sleep in our bed, I don't disrespect anyone who can't imagine leaving a baby in a crib in another room. We are all different and our ideas are all correct for our own families.
Anyway. I am super tired, and frankly I'm getting tired of being tired. I go to bed around 10 and get up around 8, and that's a good amount of sleep...so why do I feel like a limp rag all day? My husband keeps accusing me of being in a bad mood, but I swear I'm not. I just don't have the energy to talk much by the time he gets home at night. Bleh. Just. No. Energy.
We had a sonogram yesterday at the hospital, where they have super kick-ass equipment. It is simply astonishing to see so much detail on the screen at 13 weeks. The baby weighs about 2 oz and is only a couple of inches long, and yet EVERYTHING is there. We saw all the bones we needed to see - perfect little hands and feet, long straight legs, beautifully round skull, nasal bone (often missing in babies with chromosomal abnormalities), jaw full of teeth, spine, ribcage...and the little arms were waving and the legs were crossing and uncrossing. It is too early to tell the sex (we should hopefully be able to see that at our 18 week sono) but that's ok - this sono was primarily to determine whether or not the baby's growth and development are on track. They are, thank goodness, and the babe even measured up bigger than expected. Our due date has moved up one day (Oct. 10 now).
Why is this such good news? Well, besides the obvious (we all want our babes to be on-track and perfect!), I am extremely, severely hyperthyroid. The phrase my doctor used is "out-of-control." This started up right after Daughter was born (we think, though perhaps before her birth as she was slightly underweight and it would explain a lot), and I lost massive weight (40 pounds). I ended up about 20 pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight (and I was not overweight to begin with or anything) by the time Daughter was 3 months old, which I couldn't believe was due to breastfeeding alone. So then I developed a very s-e-x-y goiter (just a swelling in the thyroid gland) which no one has really noticed till I point it out, but I think it's pretty obvious because I've been so thin.
Anyway, my thyroid has been producing about twice the amount of hormone it should, so I was put on medication in January to block the production of any more hormone. This medicine can pass through breastmilk, so we were a little paranoid about Daughter, but it doesn't seem to have affected her at all. Then, whoops, I got pregnant again when I really should not have been able to, but - pay attention ladies! - thyroid disorders affect all your hormones and that includes your reproductive system. So, whoops, I ovulated out of sync with my normal cycle and ta-da! So. We are very happy to be having a second baby...we always wanted another one and we don't ever want this child to think he or she was "unplanned." This was always the plan...just not quite so soon. Ideally, we would have taken care of this thyroid situation first, and then had another baby. But we are choosing to believe that God wanted us to have this baby now for some reason (perhaps later we would not be able to or something), so we are now dealing with some issues. The medication I am taking is definitely not considered ideal for a developing fetus. It can cause low birth weight and premature delivery. It can also (quite rarely) cause a goiter to develop in the baby. Scary! So my endocrinologist wants me to have surgery in the next 4-6 weeks to remove my thyroid entirely, which would mean general anesthesia, which scares the crap out of me.
Thus the sonogram yesterday. We needed to see if the medication and/or my condition in general is having any effect on the babe as of right now, and the answer appears to be no. Hallelujah. If the medicine is controlling my thyroid sufficiently (and it's really not) we could ride out the pregnancy and the baby will probably be born just fine. However, the safer option is actually to have the operation. According to the awesome specialist I spoke with yesterday, the anesthesia does make the baby sleepy, but as long as the blood flow is maintained and my body temperature stays up, there is almost zero risk. But it still scares the crap out of me.
So that is probably why I'm tired and not exactly bubbly and cheerful. It's really stressful feeling like you have no control over your body, and knowing you should not really have gotten pregnant right now, and praying all the time that things will work out fine. Exhausting, I tell you.
And that is also why you haven't seen much creativity happening here lately. I'm plodding along on my sockapaloooza socks, and staring longingly at the fabric and patterns I intend to use for sundresses for Daughter, and sort of ignoring the paid project I have to do; my brain and body are too wiped out to do much. It's times like this I wish I had a cook. And a maid.