Thursday, October 25, 2007

woe is me

I've been struggling with the decision about whether or not to discuss pregnancy issues on the blog. I'm pretty sure - like 99.9% sure - that I am NOT in fact pregnant right now, so this is not me trying to be coy. I'm just not sure how much to say or not say. Should I just go about my life and announce it when I'm about to give birth? Should I drag you all through the sludge from conception through morning sickness and boob pain and misery on up to the big day? Does anyone besides me even care? (That is a joke, of course - I know some of you care very much, and I appreciate that.)

I guess I'm going to talk about it a little right now, because the thing bothering me today is not something my husband will really 'get.'

I have finally reached a point in my feelings about carrying another child where excitement has conquered abject terror. We've set things in motion, which for now just means I'm no longer ingesting artificial hormones at the same time every day. We've waited the required month for my cycle to 'reset' itself (I am expecting my, uh, 'monthly visitor' any day now), and dudes, I'm ready to go. Let's do this thing! Yeah! Babytime!

The problem is, if we go for it now, according to the online due date calculator I consulted, I would be having a baby on or about August 2, 2008.

The exact same day my sister has chosen for her wedding.

I realize waiting another month is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it has me feeling pretty dejected right now. If we wait until December, I would be 8 months pregnant at the wedding, which I really don't mind. But it would mean an extra month of being pregnant at the hottest time of year in Buffalo. A bit annoying. And my children will be one more month apart in age. And it would likely affect the school year calendar cutoff date. DON'T roll your eyes! These are things I think about! If anything remotely positive came out of losing our child last year, it was the opportunity to PLAN the next one. And now my plan feels foiled.

This is probably just my hormones talking.

I don't know.


Carrie said...

I remember going through that when my beloved and I were talking about having a baby. The whole battle between wanting to get pregnant -and worrying about what events it's going to affect if you get pregnant right away- and not wanting to put your life on hold in case you dont get pregnant right away... it's enough to drive you insane.

good luck with everything. I hope it happens at the right time for you!

Morning Glory said...

My very best wishes to you. I hope things go perfectly for you. You deserve it.

FairyGodKnitter said...

After all you've been through, please let yourself be selfish about this. Your sister will still have a good day whether or not you are pregnant, even if you are just delivered or about to. Figure out what works best for you and your daughter and husband and then do what feels best. And don't think we don't want to hear about it, whatever or whenever you need to share, we're pulling for you.

Karen said...

yep. what all these others have said.

Jenn said...

As a teacher (and a mid-August birthday baby), I will share that I think keeping kids out of school a year longer is one of the best things you can do for them. They require so much of kids now, (even in pre-k they've started testing them), that I think being older helps. Both hubby and I were kept out of Kindergarten until we were 6, and we think it's one of the best things our parents did for us.
Just my $.02.

Pam said...

Go with the flow Kate:) It might take longer to get pregnant this time, it might not. Either way, it's not up to you anymore. Everything in His time.

Bon said...

it's my first time here, so perhaps strange to weigh in on such a personal issue, but it's one we've been dealing with ourselves. we want another, and would like to have it happen before next fall so that this hoped-for one would be only two school grades behind our living son, and it's kind of a silly reason i suppose but if one is going to plan, i figure, one might as well plan taking all things into consideration.

so, despite reasons why it would suck to be on bedrest through May next year (family plans, things i'd have to miss) we've thrown our hat in the ring.

for what it's worth. :)

Lisa b said...

Hi I also just found your blog but cannot resist this one.
My due date was on a friend's wedding day and she was quite put out that a number of us were due in may and so could not guarantee our presence at her wedding. I know a sister is different so you will have to make that call but I just felt that a person, your child, is far more important than a day.

Scoutj said...

Honestly? I think you just do whatever YOU need! If you want to talk....then talk sister!