I feel terribly disjointed lately. The holidays do that to me. I come unhinged so easily. Nothing is making much sense in my daily life, my projects all feel aimless, and I'm all crazy with the inappropriate anger again.
The other night we decided to give Daughter one of her Christmas gifts early. We figured it was more important that she have the opportunity to play with something educational now than to open another box on Christmas morning, which she won't understand anyway. Plus she was tearing up the family room out of boredom and we couldn't take it anymore. So I went up to the secret gift hiding place and brought down the Parents Magazine Raise the Roof Barnyard. This thing retails for way more than I can afford, but I found several at Tuesday Morning for about 1/3 of the retail price, so I was psyched. I save all the Christmas receipts every year in the clear pocket cover of my Christmas notebook (I know, so organized, right? I only started it last year to keep track of what we get everyone...we'll see how it goes), but I'd left the receipt with the farm on it out on the counter, because I had to return something else from the same purchase.
We opened the farm set, gave Daughter the 12 animals (which she proceeded to herd and organize), and started pulling out parts of the barn. Sadly, one whole side of the building was splintered beyond repair. You couldn't tell this from the outside of the box, so it was a big surprise. Ok, well, I figured I'd just round up the animals after Daughter went to bed, put it all back in the box, and return/exchange the whole thing. But when I went to the kitchen to get the receipt, it was gone. I called to my hubby, "honey, did you do something with that receipt that was laying here?" There was a moment of silence, and then he said, "I think I threw it out."
You know when you get that haze of crazy anger, like everything in front of your face turns red or something? Maybe you have better self-control than I do, but I proceeded to scream...yes, I said scream, "YOU WHAT? NO! NO NO NO! HOW AM I GOING TO RETURN THIS FARM? NOW WE'RE GOING TO BE STUCK WITH A BROKEN TOY! HOW COULD YOU THROW THAT RECEIPT AWAY?!?!? HOW COULD YOU???"
Yes, I am a pleasure to live with.
I don't know what that was about. I'm really not like that. I don't want to be like that. And my husband, bless him, didn't say a word. He just went outside, got the trash bag, and dug through the yucky kitchen garbage until he found the receipt. Then, the next day, he returned the farm to the store for me. I'm such a jerk. I just felt so bad about the broken-ness of the toy. I want so much to have nice things for my child, and we don't have gazillions of dollars to spend, so I find the best toys I can at the best prices possible, and I really thought the farm was a score. I was so disappointed I couldn't even function well enough to speak in a normal voice. How ridiculous is that? It's not like the meaning of Christmas is all about the dumb toys anyway.
Maybe it's still grief that's clouding up my brain, I don't know. I'm trying, I really am.
Anyway. At least my Christmas shopping is done - yep, done, I do it all online - and I even managed to squeak out a gift for us while picking up stocking stuffers at Target yesterday:
Flannel sheets. Covered in "Po-nam" according to Daughter, or "snowmen" for those who don't speak her language. How cute are these? Go get yourself some...only $15 this week at Target, any size. And the flannel is decent, not flimsy and cheapy at all. Plus the elastic goes all the way around the fitted sheet, not just down the long sides. I'm so excited to sleep on these tonight. And I'm praying for some sleep, because every time I closed my eyes last night I had horrible dreams of Daughter somehow getting hurt. It made for a hideous night. Sheesh, what's wrong with me?
Well, I'm off to try and accomplish something today. The pot roast is already burbling away in the crock pot, which is something. Maybe I can get Daughter's Christmas dress done in the naptime that remains...all I have to do is buttonholes and buttons and I'll snap a photo for you all to see. It's quite sweet, if I do say so myself.