You know, I'm usually not one for melodrama...in fact, I hate feeling weak and weepy in general. But quite frankly, I feel like life's been kicking me while I'm down for like, the past year.
Every day I wake up feeling like I'm huddled at the bottom of a dark hole, my knees hunched up and my hair hanging in my face, all cold and wet and sad. And I have to make the conscious decision every day to get up and try to climb out of that hole. Some days - most days, really - I am able to do just that, and I go about my business. But some days the walls are just too slippery and I slide back down into a crumpled heap.
This week was filled with those days. Last night I had to run off and be alone, so after dinner I scooted out to the craft store to get a knitting needle for my current project, then wandered around WalMart almost until closing time. Man, that's a lame and sad thing to do. You ever do that? Just wander WalMart late at night? You'll see an interesting cross-section of humanity.
I bought some stuff, but that didn't make me feel any better. I stopped for drive-thru coffee to bring home to Hubs, and got one for myself but that didn't do anything for me either. Finally, halfway home, I burst into tears. It quickly turned into ugly crying, with the snotty nose and the gagging. I cried loud and I cried hard, until my throat hurt and I could hardly see as I drove through the rain. I was still crying as I pulled into the driveway, so I sat in the car with my head in my hands and let it come.
I started this blog about a year ago now (well, November 1), and I looked back today at that first month of posts. Back then the blog was what I had intended it to be - a lighthearted look at my little life with Hubs and Daughter, and my crafty endeavors. The writing is nice, light, entertaining...and was written by a different girl altogether than the one typing this tonight. I am so glad that a number of you found me here and came back for more. I am so sorry that you've had to get to know me through hearing about the worst year of my life.
Thank you for sticking with me and understanding. Thank you for letting me use this craft blog to share my feelings and experiences, and thank you for your words of support.
I'll be back in a few days with some new projects, some completed projects, and probably some more maudlin words. Here's hoping the next year will be better than the last.