Tuesday, June 12, 2007

what do i do about this?!?

You guys, seriously...my life is a circus.

My brother-in-law is getting married in September, as I've mentioned. I don't have a dress yet for numerous reasons, not the least of which is the fact that I'm waiting for some fall styles to come out. My mother-in-law asks me if I've found a dress yet every time we see her. I've been answering honestly that no, I haven't, but I've seen a few that I like. Soooooooooo...she has taken it upon herself to find me a dress.

People, I know she is trying to be nice, and she thinks she is helping. But I can't seem to feel thankful. Hubs just talked to her on the phone and it seems she has ordered some dresses to be sent to my house. And she keeps leaving messages on our machine sharing full catalog descriptions of dresses she has found "for me." I am frightened of what will be in these packages, as our tastes couldn't be more divergent. Also, she tends to buy me clothing in sizes that would have fit me in 6th grade...at least that's the last time I can remember wearing anything close to a 4. She never believes me when I say I need an 8 or 10. (I can't tell you how many things have gone to charity immediately following a birthday or Christmas, because she either cuts off the tags or doesn't include gift receipts with these "smalls" and size 4 and 6 items.)

I asked Hubs and he confirmed that I am not in any way a part of this wedding...I will merely be in the crowd. Yes, I will likely be in some family photos, but that's the full extent of my involvement. So it's not like I have to match anyone or anything, or coordinate my style with the centerpieces. Right? Technically, I should be able to wear whatever I choose. Right?

I don't know what to do about this weird situation. My in-laws cannot even afford to fix broken things in their home right now because of the costs associated with this wedding...there is no way they should be buying me dresses. Plus, I can afford a frock, really I can. I don't need them to buy one for me. I feel she is treating me like one of the kids she has babysat over the years, rather than a 31 year old adult who can pick out clothes just fine. Neither my m-i-l or her husband respond well to even the most direct communication. It won't matter what Hubs says or what I say...in fact, Hubs just now told her on the phone that she really doesn't need to order me any dresses.

Don't I have the right to pick out my own dress for this occasion?



Ruth said...

Of course you do. She's trying to be helpful, but if I were you I'd be put off, too.

She's having these dresses shipped to you from catalogues? Then you can just ship them right back and tell her, "thank you, but it didn't fit" or "wasn't what I had in mind." If she won't take "please don't" for an answer, I don't know what else you'd do.

Then go out and buy something fabulous for yourself. Fall clothes will be out soon.

Shari said...

You most definately have the right to pick your own dress. Go to your closet right now and pick a dress. Tell your mil that you have picked a dress and when the fall styles come out change your mind and buy yourself something beautiful. That way you are not technically lying and the stress is gone.

Good luck!

Ann-Marie said...

i would simply tell her that you will be buying a dress, you simply have not had time to spend on the right dress.
*hint--they could watch daughter to let you spend a few hours shopping*

i would just have a short discussion re: colour (ie so you're not wearing the same as her!! tee hee) and let her know that you'd like a chance to buy you own dress-to see what styles are out there and maybe enjoy a day doing it!!

i hear ya though--my MIL has very different taste and keeps buying strange outfits for my 4 y/old.

i hope this situation gets easier for you.

Morning Glory said...

Good advice in the comments above. My goodness, if she's this bad NOW, what is she going to be like the week of the wedding??

I agree -- pick a dress and then change your mind later. And ship the package back to the catalog store unopened. If you open it, you may have to pay the shipping.

Pam said...

It could be worse...it could be your own mother acting like this:) lol - well not funny HA HA, but you know what I mean:)

kate said...

ann-marie: good suggestions, but we have agreed we will *NEVER* leave Daughter alone with them, so that's out.

morning glory: ah, I forgot! I could just refuse to accept the packages and avoid the return shipping! Thank you!

pam: at least if it were my own mother I could tell her to butt out. :)

Anne K. said...

So it's this woman's SON who's getting married, right? Perhaps she's reacting to the fact that it's the bride's side who's calling most of the shots about the wedding...and if she tends to be a bit controlling anyway, she may be compensating by being overly involved in things she CAN control (or thinks she can) because there's so much that's OUT of her control. Not to get all Freudian or anything, but I've seen situations play out like this with some of my own relatives. Still annoying, tho. Good luck finding your own dress -- and your Daughter's new little frock is precious!!!!