Ah, so another month goes by. Time flies even as it crawls.
I haven't posted because my mom once told me if I don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. But today I'm just going to say whatever I want.
I wake up each morning in a cloud of sleepy, crabby fog. I'm not sleeping well, partly due to AJ waking several times each night. His teeth are finally coming in, and one of his ear tubes has fallen out, so his ear canals are refilling with fluid. He is in constant discomfort, if not outright pain, and it causes him to wake up crying and digging at his ears. I've tried tylenol, not sure if it has helped or if I've just gotten lucky on the nights he's slept well. (Tubes are being replaced, but not until August 21.)
I then spend my days racing the clock. AJ has to have his first feeding between 8 and 9, which causes some difficulty when he decides to sleep past 8. An 8 ounce feeding that would take a "normal" baby about 1/2 hour to drink takes anywhere from 45 minutes to 1.5 hours for my son, through his g-tube. He retches terribly when the formula hits his stomach in the morning, and we have to go very, very slowly so he can digest with some relative comfort.
Then he has to be back in bed for a morning nap between 9:30 and 10:00, or I will miss my window, he will become overtired, and he will not sleep. Then I have to hope he wakes on his own before noon, preferably at 11:30, so we can get started on lunch. Because he won't really eat any solids, we need another full hour to complete another 8 ounce tube feed, and time to vent the air from his belly (meaning we leave the tube open for about 15-20 minutes). He does sit in the booster and nibble a few cheerios, take maybe 3 sips of water from a cup, and maybe occasionally dip a teething biscuit in some baby food and taste it. But he definitely does not "eat." So we race through as best we can, rushing to complete lunch and digest in time for therapy, which is 4 days per week at 1:30.
Truth be told, I'm not even sure he NEEDS all this therapy, as he is now crawling, standing with assistance, performing all the "skills" a baby his age should be, etc. The only things he is not doing are pulling to a stand (which Daughter did not do either, until she was much, much older...like 14 months maybe?), and eating. I don't know that we need two days of PT and two days of OT every week for these issues. But I am scared to change his treatment and then, several years down the road, have a problem and question why we didn't take advantage of all this free therapy.
But this schedule is a real bummer for us as a family. Daughter is suffering through it, more than any of us. She can't go anywhere or do anything in the mornings, except maybe play outside a little, or race to the grocery store with me between 9 and 9:30, which is our only real window of opportunity Monday through Thursday. When AJ has his therapies, she is constantly being told to sit down and be quiet or find something to do to keep busy. She doesn't understand what these ladies are doing at our house every day - to her they are coming to play with her little brother, but no one comes to play with her. So she becomes a real attention hound during his sessions, and ends up driving everyone nuts. Also as a result of this, she works extra hard to get my attention, both positive and negative. Lots of times...negative.
I try to take the kids to the playground when it is nice, immediately following therapy. We have roughly from 2:30 till just about 4:00, then have to get the baby back in for afternoon nap and feeding. If I don't get him fed between 4 and 5, I will have to make his night feeding even later, meaning I get even less sleep. And then of course there is making dinner and somehow keeping the 4 year-old from destroying something while I work. After that it's cleaning up from dinner, bathing the kids (which thank God we can now do at the same time...AJ can sit up in the big tub now), herding them toward bed, reading stories, preparing formula and feeding tubes, feeding the baby, and then perhaps knitting for 15 minutes before crashing hard.
Somewhere in there I do the laundry, keep the house relatively clean, make sure there is food in the fridge and cupboards, make Hubs' lunches each morning, take a shower, make the beds...
I don't know. It's not exactly the life I ordered. Perhaps I am selfish in wanting a bit more down time, a bit more time for some quiet with my own thoughts, more time for life to proceed naturally rather than following this insanely regulated schedule. Is it any wonder I am not blogging? What the hell am I to blog about? I'm psyched when I have time for knitting or sewing, but there's never a moment to take a photo or compose an entire post about a project I've completed. Life is a series of tasks to complete right now, and I pretty much just move from one to the next. I'm tired and cranky, and sometimes bitter and resentful too.
And everyone says it will get better, it will get easier...but the fact is that it may not. We may get used to this life, but that doesn't mean it will be better or easier for any of us. Right now I am beside myself trying to figure out what to do about preschool for Daughter. She should go, she really should. But it's expensive, for one thing, and for another, how am I supposed to get her there each morning? I look at trying to get AJ out the door in the morning and it practically throws me into a panic. Because his morning feeding makes him physically ill, and because we cannot move the times around or he won't meet his daily caloric requirements, I can't just pick him up, throw him in the car and go. It doesn't work that way for us. But Daughter can't sit in the house for another entire winter just waiting for AJ's schedule to allow her a few brief moments of attention and playtime. I have to think of something.
Anyway. That was long-winded. Just thought I should say something in case anyone was wondering where I've been. I'm here, always here. Just...well, busy is an understatement. But I am here.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
let this be a lesson to you
Got the call from our attorney tonight giving us the final amount we have to bring to closing tomorrow.
And it was the wrong number! As in, off by thousands!
This attorney held the funds from the sale of our old home (with our permission, of course) to put toward the purchase of our new home. She also credited us her fee at that time for both transactions. However, the number she called me with tonight did not take those figures into account. I had to ask her exactly how those funds that she withheld would be handled...and she got confused and had to "look up my file." She then called me back with a much nicer number.
So this is just to say, ASK QUESTIONS. Don't just automatically trust someone because they are a lawyer or whatever. It can really make a difference!
And it was the wrong number! As in, off by thousands!
This attorney held the funds from the sale of our old home (with our permission, of course) to put toward the purchase of our new home. She also credited us her fee at that time for both transactions. However, the number she called me with tonight did not take those figures into account. I had to ask her exactly how those funds that she withheld would be handled...and she got confused and had to "look up my file." She then called me back with a much nicer number.
So this is just to say, ASK QUESTIONS. Don't just automatically trust someone because they are a lawyer or whatever. It can really make a difference!
Monday, June 29, 2009
looking for laffs
Ok. So. We are busily prepping to move all our crap from disparate locations to our new home this week/weekend (stuff in storage, stuff at my parents' house, lawn mower at my in-laws' house [don't ask]), AFTER we clean out the house that has been rented by a single guy and is therefore caked with filth, and I am in desperate need of levity.
I found it. Go here and view OHMommy's video blog of her drive to Chicago with three kids. Awesome.
I found it. Go here and view OHMommy's video blog of her drive to Chicago with three kids. Awesome.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
stashbusting
I kind of don't like that word..."stashbusting." It just sounds corny to me. But it is the best description of what's been going on around here lately. AMAZING what you can make out of what's already there. I haven't bought yarn (other than to fulfill etsy orders) in months. And I don't need to, either.
Let's browse through the items I've been able to make. My itchy twitchy fingers have been busy as I wait for my new house to close. To calm my nerves throughout the process, I've been knitting. Boy howdy, have I been knitting!
First up, a baby gift for my husband's boss. They have two elementary age boys and gave it one more go, and they are having a wee girl. So exciting! I had to whip something up.
Knitting pure & simple neck-down baby cardigan in size 6 months, plus a hat of my own "design" (meaning I didn't follow any particular pattern, just winged it). The yarn was part of a clearance purchase at Joann's last summer...it is 100% wool, worsted weight and very soft, from their Sensations line, but I can't quite remember the actual yarn name. I do remember that it was $.99 per ball. Frugal!
Next up, a sweater for Daughter to wear this coming fall, again from Joann's clearance yarn.
This is a top-down raglan, made using the "raglans unlimited" pattern that I've posted about before. Nice pattern because it goes from a toddler size 2 up to a men's size 52 chest, but fiddly because they call for the sleeves to be knit flat and seamed, and also they expect you to use teeny needles for the ribbing, which I think looks way outdated and ridiculous. I used larger needles than called for and my ribbing still pulls in a bit much for my taste. Good pattern, just needs some tweaking.
Anyway, it's moda dea washable wool in raspberry, only 3 skeins which were $1.98 each. CHEAP sweater! Oh, and the buttons? Yeah, that's what happens when you let the 4 year-old choose. Oh well, they had to be huge because the buttonholes are huge in this pattern (another change I will make when using this pattern again). No chance of anyone accidentally picking up this sweater and taking it home.
And something for the little man:
I still don't know how I feel about this one. Ugly? Not sure.
In an effort to use up stash, I had to combine colors, so this is the knitting pure & simple top down hoodie, size 18 months, knit in Wool-Ease worsted weight. The colors are denim and charcoal gray. Both leftovers I dug out of the bag 'o scrap yarn. Still need to weave in the ends on this one, but there is time. It's quite large and intended for this coming fall/winter for AJ. If nothing else, it will be good for playing outside in autumn leaves and dirt!
And finally, I've been knitting up some soakers from my wool leftovers.
These have sold fairly well in my etsy shop, but I may keep the ones I'm currently making for AJ. These are Patons Classic Merino in various colors, size 6-12 months.
Backstory: I have been using prefold cloth diapers and Gerber vinyl pants because they work and are cost effective. I have some lovely higher quality covers (thank you again Karen!!) but I really can't justify buying the pricier covers for my son. He is my last and I don't see any family members doing cloth diapers in the future, so I'm going for inexpensive covers. HOWEVER, the "new and improved" Gerber pants totally suck it. They are made of some new thing called "peva" and are now much more flimsy and low quality than they were in the past. I have put my finger right through several pair while pulling them up over a diaper, and the side seams have come apart just through normal use and washing. They are total crap, and I wrote to Gerber to tell them so! They are sending me a postage paid envelope so I can send them the ripped pair I have, but I have thrown away several ripped pairs. I will tell them that and hopefully be reimbursed for all of them, but it's not the money...I just wish they would make a quality product again!
Anyway, in light of the fact that I can't seem to stop accidentally ruining the Gerber pants, I have decided to give wool soakers another go. So I think I will keep on knitting them up, keep some, and put some in the shop. They are like the potato chips of knitting...can't knit just one! They are easy, addictive, and can be worked on while watching children play on beautiful summer days.
So that's what's recently come from the stash. I thought I wouldn't have much knitting time this year, but as of today I've finished 19 items...almost entirely from stash! I've completed 1 pair of longies, 10 soakers, 4 pair of socks, 4 (child size) sweaters, and 1 hat. Not bad.
And after AJ's therapist leaves this afternoon:
Ahhh, summer.
Let's browse through the items I've been able to make. My itchy twitchy fingers have been busy as I wait for my new house to close. To calm my nerves throughout the process, I've been knitting. Boy howdy, have I been knitting!
First up, a baby gift for my husband's boss. They have two elementary age boys and gave it one more go, and they are having a wee girl. So exciting! I had to whip something up.
Knitting pure & simple neck-down baby cardigan in size 6 months, plus a hat of my own "design" (meaning I didn't follow any particular pattern, just winged it). The yarn was part of a clearance purchase at Joann's last summer...it is 100% wool, worsted weight and very soft, from their Sensations line, but I can't quite remember the actual yarn name. I do remember that it was $.99 per ball. Frugal!
Next up, a sweater for Daughter to wear this coming fall, again from Joann's clearance yarn.
This is a top-down raglan, made using the "raglans unlimited" pattern that I've posted about before. Nice pattern because it goes from a toddler size 2 up to a men's size 52 chest, but fiddly because they call for the sleeves to be knit flat and seamed, and also they expect you to use teeny needles for the ribbing, which I think looks way outdated and ridiculous. I used larger needles than called for and my ribbing still pulls in a bit much for my taste. Good pattern, just needs some tweaking.
Anyway, it's moda dea washable wool in raspberry, only 3 skeins which were $1.98 each. CHEAP sweater! Oh, and the buttons? Yeah, that's what happens when you let the 4 year-old choose. Oh well, they had to be huge because the buttonholes are huge in this pattern (another change I will make when using this pattern again). No chance of anyone accidentally picking up this sweater and taking it home.
And something for the little man:
I still don't know how I feel about this one. Ugly? Not sure.
In an effort to use up stash, I had to combine colors, so this is the knitting pure & simple top down hoodie, size 18 months, knit in Wool-Ease worsted weight. The colors are denim and charcoal gray. Both leftovers I dug out of the bag 'o scrap yarn. Still need to weave in the ends on this one, but there is time. It's quite large and intended for this coming fall/winter for AJ. If nothing else, it will be good for playing outside in autumn leaves and dirt!
And finally, I've been knitting up some soakers from my wool leftovers.
These have sold fairly well in my etsy shop, but I may keep the ones I'm currently making for AJ. These are Patons Classic Merino in various colors, size 6-12 months.
Backstory: I have been using prefold cloth diapers and Gerber vinyl pants because they work and are cost effective. I have some lovely higher quality covers (thank you again Karen!!) but I really can't justify buying the pricier covers for my son. He is my last and I don't see any family members doing cloth diapers in the future, so I'm going for inexpensive covers. HOWEVER, the "new and improved" Gerber pants totally suck it. They are made of some new thing called "peva" and are now much more flimsy and low quality than they were in the past. I have put my finger right through several pair while pulling them up over a diaper, and the side seams have come apart just through normal use and washing. They are total crap, and I wrote to Gerber to tell them so! They are sending me a postage paid envelope so I can send them the ripped pair I have, but I have thrown away several ripped pairs. I will tell them that and hopefully be reimbursed for all of them, but it's not the money...I just wish they would make a quality product again!
Anyway, in light of the fact that I can't seem to stop accidentally ruining the Gerber pants, I have decided to give wool soakers another go. So I think I will keep on knitting them up, keep some, and put some in the shop. They are like the potato chips of knitting...can't knit just one! They are easy, addictive, and can be worked on while watching children play on beautiful summer days.
So that's what's recently come from the stash. I thought I wouldn't have much knitting time this year, but as of today I've finished 19 items...almost entirely from stash! I've completed 1 pair of longies, 10 soakers, 4 pair of socks, 4 (child size) sweaters, and 1 hat. Not bad.
And after AJ's therapist leaves this afternoon:
Ahhh, summer.
Thursday, June 04, 2009
boring
Ay-yi-yi, my life is so weird. I feel so busy every day, like I never have a second to sit down and relax, and yet, when evening comes and I collapse into bed, I feel I've accomplished approximately nothing.
Our old house finally closed last week. It took one whole extra month from the date in our sales contract, which sucks out loud, and it was all because our buyer changed lenders and didn't tell anyone. &#^*#^$!!!!!!
We are in the process of gathering up all the required paperwork for our new house purchase so we can hopefully close on that by the end of the month. I am so not looking forward to the work of moving in to a new house, but I am looking forward to being in our own home again.
The wee lad is doing better every day. He is on the cusp of crawling, needs a haircut really badly, weighs in at 17 lbs, 11.5 oz, and is a whopping 29" long. A tall drink of water to be sure. Tall and skinny runs in the family, so I guess that's ok.
Just when I am getting really down about his eating ablities, he surprises me. Today he picked up and fed himself at least 6 cheerios without choking on any. Gummed them apart and swallowed them all...I didn't have to reach in and snag a single cheerio from the back of his throat. You don't know what a miraculous accomplishment this is. He also willingly ate (i.e. opened his mouth for) several mouthfuls of baby oatmeal. Again, miraculous. Of course, tomorrow he will probably lock his little mouth shut and refuse everything. *sigh* It's an emotional roller-coaster around here. I am doing my best.
That's it, really. Just knitting in whatever free time I can scrounge. Taking care of kids. Doing laundry, washing dishes, etc. Normal life stuff. Boring.
Our old house finally closed last week. It took one whole extra month from the date in our sales contract, which sucks out loud, and it was all because our buyer changed lenders and didn't tell anyone. &#^*#^$!!!!!!
We are in the process of gathering up all the required paperwork for our new house purchase so we can hopefully close on that by the end of the month. I am so not looking forward to the work of moving in to a new house, but I am looking forward to being in our own home again.
The wee lad is doing better every day. He is on the cusp of crawling, needs a haircut really badly, weighs in at 17 lbs, 11.5 oz, and is a whopping 29" long. A tall drink of water to be sure. Tall and skinny runs in the family, so I guess that's ok.
Just when I am getting really down about his eating ablities, he surprises me. Today he picked up and fed himself at least 6 cheerios without choking on any. Gummed them apart and swallowed them all...I didn't have to reach in and snag a single cheerio from the back of his throat. You don't know what a miraculous accomplishment this is. He also willingly ate (i.e. opened his mouth for) several mouthfuls of baby oatmeal. Again, miraculous. Of course, tomorrow he will probably lock his little mouth shut and refuse everything. *sigh* It's an emotional roller-coaster around here. I am doing my best.
That's it, really. Just knitting in whatever free time I can scrounge. Taking care of kids. Doing laundry, washing dishes, etc. Normal life stuff. Boring.
Monday, May 11, 2009
frugal footwear
Before I totally lose any street cred I once had as a knit blogger, I figure I should show you some actual knitting.
I recently declared that I would be much more frugal with my knitting and sewing for the foreseeable future. So I'm putting my money where my mouth is:
Matchy-matchy socks for me and Daughter! Aren't they cute?
I am all about trying new sock yarns that I can afford, and I got this Joann Sensations "soles and more" with two coupons and a Christmas gift card. (As an aside, whenever I see this brand of yarn at my local Joann's, I want to say it with jazz hands..."sen-SAAAAYYYY-shuns!" Ok, so I am a loser. What can I say?)
Anyway, two skeins of yarn made two pair of socks, with my Daughter's choice of navy blue solid for the toes. I knit mine in my usual way, 60 stitches on size 2 needles, top-down. Daughter's are knit with my usual 48 stitches on size 2 needles, but hers are toe-up.
I have a love/hate relationship with toe-up socks. I want to love them, but all that wrapping and turning and trying to avoid holes makes me crazy. However, if you are trying to be frugal and use up what you have, toe-up is the way to go, because you can just knit till you run out of yarn. I figured I wouldn't have quite enough to make two complete socks for her, so I had her choose a solid toe color. I could have made it with just the leftovers, but the socks would have been a little skimpy. I prefer she have taller socks for our chilly Buffalo winters.
Once I finished these, my immediate urge was to head out and check out the local Michael's store, which is totally revamping its yarn department this spring. I know there are some major bargains to be found...but then my allergy to spending kicked in, and I used my cash to get some groceries for the week instead.
As for right this minute, AJ is sleeping, Daughter is at the playground with my mom, and I have a sweater to finish for Hubs' boss and his wife, who are expecting a baby girl this summer. It's yet another Knitting Pure and Simple neck-down cardigan (I think I have made at least a dozen of those by now)...and it is knit from stash yarn, of course. It's a stunningly beautiful day, too, so I think I'll park it outside with my tea and my needles and just enjoy a few precious minutes to myself.
I recently declared that I would be much more frugal with my knitting and sewing for the foreseeable future. So I'm putting my money where my mouth is:
Matchy-matchy socks for me and Daughter! Aren't they cute?
I am all about trying new sock yarns that I can afford, and I got this Joann Sensations "soles and more" with two coupons and a Christmas gift card. (As an aside, whenever I see this brand of yarn at my local Joann's, I want to say it with jazz hands..."sen-SAAAAYYYY-shuns!" Ok, so I am a loser. What can I say?)
Anyway, two skeins of yarn made two pair of socks, with my Daughter's choice of navy blue solid for the toes. I knit mine in my usual way, 60 stitches on size 2 needles, top-down. Daughter's are knit with my usual 48 stitches on size 2 needles, but hers are toe-up.
I have a love/hate relationship with toe-up socks. I want to love them, but all that wrapping and turning and trying to avoid holes makes me crazy. However, if you are trying to be frugal and use up what you have, toe-up is the way to go, because you can just knit till you run out of yarn. I figured I wouldn't have quite enough to make two complete socks for her, so I had her choose a solid toe color. I could have made it with just the leftovers, but the socks would have been a little skimpy. I prefer she have taller socks for our chilly Buffalo winters.
Once I finished these, my immediate urge was to head out and check out the local Michael's store, which is totally revamping its yarn department this spring. I know there are some major bargains to be found...but then my allergy to spending kicked in, and I used my cash to get some groceries for the week instead.
As for right this minute, AJ is sleeping, Daughter is at the playground with my mom, and I have a sweater to finish for Hubs' boss and his wife, who are expecting a baby girl this summer. It's yet another Knitting Pure and Simple neck-down cardigan (I think I have made at least a dozen of those by now)...and it is knit from stash yarn, of course. It's a stunningly beautiful day, too, so I think I'll park it outside with my tea and my needles and just enjoy a few precious minutes to myself.
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
going green
Home inspection went well, all is moving along. Still waiting on the clown attorneys to set an official closing date for our old house, but they assure us all is well and it will be "soon." Did our mortgage application last week, now we just sit on our bottoms and wait. In NY it takes anywhere from 30 days to (supposedly) 60 days to close on a house, but we are at about 75 and counting on our old house. It is up to the purchaser's attorney and the bank attorney to set everything up; we will basically be the last to know when it's a go. What a pain. Oy.
Anyway, on to the point of this post - going green. No, it is not a post about being all granola-crunchy-tree-huggy. Not at all. It is a post about CASH. Cold, hard, green cash.
I have decided to quit the credit card habit except in the case of pumping gas (so I won't have to drag 2 kids into a gas station every time I fill up). Our new home will be so much more expensive than our old one that we need to keep the budget tighter than ever. I've recently developed the strong opinion that going to a cash-only system for our purchases will help us with that. Hubs disagrees - he believes you can "track" your purchases better with a credit card...but I believe you can use cash and when it's gone, that's it. You know what you bought when you had to think about it carefully and give up the green.
Today, I proved the point to myself. I took out some actual green cash money at the ATM, and went shopping for the groceries I needed. It was amazing how fast that money disappeared, and I only bought the bare minimum. Normally I would have purchased more. Then, this afternoon, I swung by walmart because that's the only place in town that sells any kind of teething biscuit. I had plans to buy the biscuits and beat feet out of there, but you know walmart. That place (and Target) are like heroin to me...I browse around, just checking stuff out, looking for sales, etc.
Today I found, and PASSED UP:
Large spools of coats & clark thread on clearance for $.75 each
Plain, solid-color tee shirts in my son's size for $2.50 each
Gerber undershirts that I've kind of been wanting for AJ, but did not need for $7.00
Fabric, ooooooh fabric
Yarn and yarny accessories
Sewing patterns
Adorable buttons for knitting/sewing projects
And there was probably more. I mean, I had two spools of that thread in my hands, in neutral colors, perfect for sewing just about anything...and then my brain slapped me upside the head. Did I really NEED those threads? In a year or two or three when I finally broke them out and used them, would I even care that I got them for $.75? Do I want to store them for that long before I need them? Gosh, no wonder I have so much crap! I am a credit card junkie crack whore*! Seriously! In the not-too-distant past I would have totally loaded up on those threads for that price. I would certainly have grabbed a few tee shirts for the kids. But when my brain asked me if I wanted to hand over actual green cash money for that stuff? WOW. Wowwy, wow, wow.
I can't believe I've gotten to this point. Remember when you babysat in high school and you were so psyched to have like, $50 in cash to spend at the Gap? And you were careful(ish) about what you bought, because that was all the money you had and when it was gone, it was gone.
I have forgotten how to live like that.
Today at walmart I walked out with a box of biter biscuits, 4 jars of baby food, and one pair of white socks that my son actually desperately needs. My total was $4.47 because I was paying CASH. If I had been using plastic? That total would have easily been $15-$20. And you know what? It truly hurt to hand over that $5 bill! Because hey, guess what, now it's gone!
This is going to be a painful experiment, I can tell. But I think it's going to be successful in the long run. If I can get my husband to play along, and so far he is but it's only been a few days, well then we might actually get somewhere with paying down debts and sticking to our budget.
*We pay our bill off every month, though. Never carry a balance, never pay fees/interest charges. But shoot, how does it get up over $1000 each month? And what the heck did I buy on those 4 trips to Target? I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
Anyway, on to the point of this post - going green. No, it is not a post about being all granola-crunchy-tree-huggy. Not at all. It is a post about CASH. Cold, hard, green cash.
I have decided to quit the credit card habit except in the case of pumping gas (so I won't have to drag 2 kids into a gas station every time I fill up). Our new home will be so much more expensive than our old one that we need to keep the budget tighter than ever. I've recently developed the strong opinion that going to a cash-only system for our purchases will help us with that. Hubs disagrees - he believes you can "track" your purchases better with a credit card...but I believe you can use cash and when it's gone, that's it. You know what you bought when you had to think about it carefully and give up the green.
Today, I proved the point to myself. I took out some actual green cash money at the ATM, and went shopping for the groceries I needed. It was amazing how fast that money disappeared, and I only bought the bare minimum. Normally I would have purchased more. Then, this afternoon, I swung by walmart because that's the only place in town that sells any kind of teething biscuit. I had plans to buy the biscuits and beat feet out of there, but you know walmart. That place (and Target) are like heroin to me...I browse around, just checking stuff out, looking for sales, etc.
Today I found, and PASSED UP:
Large spools of coats & clark thread on clearance for $.75 each
Plain, solid-color tee shirts in my son's size for $2.50 each
Gerber undershirts that I've kind of been wanting for AJ, but did not need for $7.00
Fabric, ooooooh fabric
Yarn and yarny accessories
Sewing patterns
Adorable buttons for knitting/sewing projects
And there was probably more. I mean, I had two spools of that thread in my hands, in neutral colors, perfect for sewing just about anything...and then my brain slapped me upside the head. Did I really NEED those threads? In a year or two or three when I finally broke them out and used them, would I even care that I got them for $.75? Do I want to store them for that long before I need them? Gosh, no wonder I have so much crap! I am a credit card junkie crack whore*! Seriously! In the not-too-distant past I would have totally loaded up on those threads for that price. I would certainly have grabbed a few tee shirts for the kids. But when my brain asked me if I wanted to hand over actual green cash money for that stuff? WOW. Wowwy, wow, wow.
I can't believe I've gotten to this point. Remember when you babysat in high school and you were so psyched to have like, $50 in cash to spend at the Gap? And you were careful(ish) about what you bought, because that was all the money you had and when it was gone, it was gone.
I have forgotten how to live like that.
Today at walmart I walked out with a box of biter biscuits, 4 jars of baby food, and one pair of white socks that my son actually desperately needs. My total was $4.47 because I was paying CASH. If I had been using plastic? That total would have easily been $15-$20. And you know what? It truly hurt to hand over that $5 bill! Because hey, guess what, now it's gone!
This is going to be a painful experiment, I can tell. But I think it's going to be successful in the long run. If I can get my husband to play along, and so far he is but it's only been a few days, well then we might actually get somewhere with paying down debts and sticking to our budget.
*We pay our bill off every month, though. Never carry a balance, never pay fees/interest charges. But shoot, how does it get up over $1000 each month? And what the heck did I buy on those 4 trips to Target? I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
in which i am prevented from indulging in one of my hobbies
Well, our home inspection is scheduled for this afternoon, so I guess this is really happening. Holy moly. I am so anxious and nervous and nauseated and scared...oh, and excited. But mostly those other things. Oy.
I think I'll take Daughter over during the inspection so she can check out her new digs. We might as well go all-out and measure some windows, too, so I can see if my old window treatments will work or if I have to make some new ones.
I have the strongest urge to sew stuff just now. I especially want to make a wee quilt for my boy, as I did not make one before he was born. Unfortunately, my fabric stash is in bins and hidden away at the very back of a storage unit. Frick. Would it be wrong to take some of our precious savings and go to Joann's for a few yards of fabric? *sigh* Yes, I guess it would be wrong, considering how much fabric I already own. Frickety-frick!
I think I'll take Daughter over during the inspection so she can check out her new digs. We might as well go all-out and measure some windows, too, so I can see if my old window treatments will work or if I have to make some new ones.
I have the strongest urge to sew stuff just now. I especially want to make a wee quilt for my boy, as I did not make one before he was born. Unfortunately, my fabric stash is in bins and hidden away at the very back of a storage unit. Frick. Would it be wrong to take some of our precious savings and go to Joann's for a few yards of fabric? *sigh* Yes, I guess it would be wrong, considering how much fabric I already own. Frickety-frick!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
new house
Holy crow, it seems we've purchased a new house.
We still have to close this week on our OLD house, but our agent assures us everything is now in place and they just have to schedule the meeting to sign the paperwork. Aargh! I wish they would hurry it up.
But anyway, we got this swingin' 60s split level, right smack in the middle of the town we want, the schools we want, the shopping, our families, etc, etc...it's truly everything we are looking for, updated and nice. We will just have to buy a fridge and a new sofa (the old ones were not fit for human use any longer), and move on in. The guy was asking a price well above our upper limit, so we went back and forth a couple times before finally saying, look, this is our highest price, we understand if you can't meet it. And guess what? Dude met our price. We got the hizz-ouse!
Note, though, that I said he met our highest price. We are going to be somewhat house-poor for awhile as we adjust to this new mortgage situation in a few months. So expect to see me heading back into seamstress mode as I sew up lots of dresses and jumpers for Daughter, and simple pull-on pants for both kids. I expect you'll also see plenty of kid socks made from the scraps of socks I've knit in the past, mixed with solid heels/toes to stretch the stash. (That is, if I ever get it in gear and take some photos.) We'll be up against it making this new lifestyle work, and the budget will not be large for clothes! I was moaning about my fabric and yarn stashes when we were moving out of our old house, but now I'm feeling awfully thankful to have all those supplies.
Well, anyway, we still have to go through the whole inspection process and mortgage application and all that crapola, so it will be awhile before anything really happens. But I feel pretty excited that things are moving forward. It will be kind of scary, and kind of financially tight, but we will be putting our lives back together, and that feels very good indeed.
We still have to close this week on our OLD house, but our agent assures us everything is now in place and they just have to schedule the meeting to sign the paperwork. Aargh! I wish they would hurry it up.
But anyway, we got this swingin' 60s split level, right smack in the middle of the town we want, the schools we want, the shopping, our families, etc, etc...it's truly everything we are looking for, updated and nice. We will just have to buy a fridge and a new sofa (the old ones were not fit for human use any longer), and move on in. The guy was asking a price well above our upper limit, so we went back and forth a couple times before finally saying, look, this is our highest price, we understand if you can't meet it. And guess what? Dude met our price. We got the hizz-ouse!
Note, though, that I said he met our highest price. We are going to be somewhat house-poor for awhile as we adjust to this new mortgage situation in a few months. So expect to see me heading back into seamstress mode as I sew up lots of dresses and jumpers for Daughter, and simple pull-on pants for both kids. I expect you'll also see plenty of kid socks made from the scraps of socks I've knit in the past, mixed with solid heels/toes to stretch the stash. (That is, if I ever get it in gear and take some photos.) We'll be up against it making this new lifestyle work, and the budget will not be large for clothes! I was moaning about my fabric and yarn stashes when we were moving out of our old house, but now I'm feeling awfully thankful to have all those supplies.
Well, anyway, we still have to go through the whole inspection process and mortgage application and all that crapola, so it will be awhile before anything really happens. But I feel pretty excited that things are moving forward. It will be kind of scary, and kind of financially tight, but we will be putting our lives back together, and that feels very good indeed.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
good job!
Yesterday I fell down the stairs. Of course it was while I was carrying my baby. My foot went out from under me on the landing and I fell down the last 4 steps, bouncing on my tailbone all the way. I smashed both forearms, the left on the steps and the right on the railing/banister. But I think, other than a wee tiny bump against one of the banister posts, that my son escaped unscathed. It scared the bejeebers out of him, as evidenced by the crying, but that might have been related more to the scream I let out than the actual fall.
Today I have a huge bruise on my butt, bruises on both arms, my back aches, my right leg is kind of tingly, and I can't quite turn my head to the left. It sucks, but overall I am pretty amazed that I was able to protect my son as well as I did. It could have been much worse.
So, you know. Awesome. Good job, mom.
Today I have a huge bruise on my butt, bruises on both arms, my back aches, my right leg is kind of tingly, and I can't quite turn my head to the left. It sucks, but overall I am pretty amazed that I was able to protect my son as well as I did. It could have been much worse.
So, you know. Awesome. Good job, mom.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
random things
Last night, my now 4 year old daughter read me "green eggs and ham" in its entirety. It took a solid half-hour, running her little finger under each and every word, but she read that entire g-d book to me.
How am I supposed to find a preschool for this child?!?
***
Still haven't gotten a solid closing date from the peeps buying our house. We've moved our crappe out, signed all the papers on our end, and now we are just.............waiting. The anxiety is going to give me an ulcer. Please don't let this fall through, Lord.
In related news, I still haven't found a house I can afford in the area where we want to live that ISN'T a dump. Or 1000 square feet. Hubs has found us several foreclosures that are 2500 square feet-ish, but neither of us has the ability or the inclination (or the funds, actually) to make the necessary repairs these homes would need. Yes, the huge square footage is tempting, but replacing the siding that the former owners apparently used for target practice, or the windows that were installed in 1973, or the 3 layers of kitchen floor, or the rotting deck, etc, etc. is not really within the realm of possibility.
It's kind of like saying we'll quit shopping for clothes and I will make my family's entire wardrobe from now on. Yeah, it's physically possible and technically feasible, but come on. I don't have all the necessary ability, it would be hella-expensive (compared to my usual Kohl's/Target/Old Navy bargain hunting) and I would have to spend all my free time sewing from now until eternity. We would all end up irritated, naked, and miserable. So, too, with a ratty foreclosure. We just can't make it happen.
So that leaves me with trying to squirrel away as much money as possible, praying for extra side work for Hubs, and praying for the miracle of some sort of bargain house that's in the 1700-1800 square foot range, doesn't need mega repairs, and falls within our price range. Fun!
***
My sweet, darling baby boy is not eating much. I've been in a constant state of worry and anxiety for months over this, but now that he is approaching 8 months of age, the worry is ramping up. He is growing and gaining on his formula and breastmilk diet, but almost entirely refuses the bottle, and only eats a few nibbles of cereal or pureed foods. He seems to enjoy a teething biscuit occasionally, and will play with a sippy cup but doesn't drink anything. I hope and pray that we are able to look back one day and say, "ha, remember when he had that feeding tube and that's how we had to feed him all the time? phew, glad that's over!" but we are nowhere near that yet. It makes me kind of sad.
***
At least I have a chicken roasting in the oven, a happy child playing with little people in the family room, a sweet baby napping upstairs, and some knitting to curl up with.
One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time.
How am I supposed to find a preschool for this child?!?
***
Still haven't gotten a solid closing date from the peeps buying our house. We've moved our crappe out, signed all the papers on our end, and now we are just.............waiting. The anxiety is going to give me an ulcer. Please don't let this fall through, Lord.
In related news, I still haven't found a house I can afford in the area where we want to live that ISN'T a dump. Or 1000 square feet. Hubs has found us several foreclosures that are 2500 square feet-ish, but neither of us has the ability or the inclination (or the funds, actually) to make the necessary repairs these homes would need. Yes, the huge square footage is tempting, but replacing the siding that the former owners apparently used for target practice, or the windows that were installed in 1973, or the 3 layers of kitchen floor, or the rotting deck, etc, etc. is not really within the realm of possibility.
It's kind of like saying we'll quit shopping for clothes and I will make my family's entire wardrobe from now on. Yeah, it's physically possible and technically feasible, but come on. I don't have all the necessary ability, it would be hella-expensive (compared to my usual Kohl's/Target/Old Navy bargain hunting) and I would have to spend all my free time sewing from now until eternity. We would all end up irritated, naked, and miserable. So, too, with a ratty foreclosure. We just can't make it happen.
So that leaves me with trying to squirrel away as much money as possible, praying for extra side work for Hubs, and praying for the miracle of some sort of bargain house that's in the 1700-1800 square foot range, doesn't need mega repairs, and falls within our price range. Fun!
***
My sweet, darling baby boy is not eating much. I've been in a constant state of worry and anxiety for months over this, but now that he is approaching 8 months of age, the worry is ramping up. He is growing and gaining on his formula and breastmilk diet, but almost entirely refuses the bottle, and only eats a few nibbles of cereal or pureed foods. He seems to enjoy a teething biscuit occasionally, and will play with a sippy cup but doesn't drink anything. I hope and pray that we are able to look back one day and say, "ha, remember when he had that feeding tube and that's how we had to feed him all the time? phew, glad that's over!" but we are nowhere near that yet. It makes me kind of sad.
***
At least I have a chicken roasting in the oven, a happy child playing with little people in the family room, a sweet baby napping upstairs, and some knitting to curl up with.
One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
where am i?
Are you serious? I haven't posted since March 22nd? Well, we are in the midst of closing on our house, and my husband is harassing the hell out of me to find a new home ASAP, and I'm working through a few complications with my son's feeding issues, and desperately trying to figure out what to do about preschool for Daughter considering I don't know where we will be living come September...
In other words, I'm drowning. Just trying to hang on while also doing the everyday stuff of life. Blogging is obviously taking a waaayyyyyy back seat.
Hope everyone is having a nice Spring. I'll be in-and-out around here for the next several months as we sort our lives out and get settled in a new home.
In other words, I'm drowning. Just trying to hang on while also doing the everyday stuff of life. Blogging is obviously taking a waaayyyyyy back seat.
Hope everyone is having a nice Spring. I'll be in-and-out around here for the next several months as we sort our lives out and get settled in a new home.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
moving stuff
We got our closing date for the sale of our hizz-ouse...it should be either April 23 or 24. So yesterday I started packing. Uuuuuugggghhh. I did A LOT, and my body now hates me for packing and carrying eleventy thousand books down from the second floor. Along with several bins of fabric, bins and boxes of sewing paraphenalia, bins and bags of Daughter's clothing (from birth to 3 years, oh my word that's a lot of clothing), and so on.
The house is 1.5 stories, so the second floor is really just one large room plus a half bath. The closet in the bath is empty, the closet in the room is empty, and most of our stuff is downstairs, packed and stacked and ready for a dolly to wheel it out. That's my plan...to have everything packed and stacked well before "moving day" so as to make things move more quickly. We've all had that sucky move where we're scrambling to pack up the last few things when the truck is already there, yeah? IT BLOWS. So I'm trying to avoid that.
Problem is, we are not living there and it is 45 minutes away, so getting out there and having time to do a lot of packing is challenging. Thank God for my parents, who watch the kids so we can get it done. I'll be heading out Friday, I think, to do the kitchen cabinets. Then again over the weekend to do, oh, I don't know...maybe one of the bedrooms. Luckily we've been moving some of our crap out piecemeal as we need it. So it's not going to be a totally hellish move. Just kind of hellish. As moves generally are.
Oh, I am so tired. There is much to do in the next 30 days or so.
And no, we don't have a new house picked out yet. We're going to hang out and save up a few more dollars for a bit, so we can buy more house and make a better downpayment. It's not the ideal situation, staying with my parents (we feel like losers, even though we're not, thank you very much), but we can really sock away some extra dough this way. We're trying to go from a cheap area to a very expensive area by sneaking in - perhaps a foreclosure or something - so our children can have a better life, basically. The schools where both our parents live are #1 in the area, and with a very bright preschooler and a baby who may or may not require services in the future, we really feel we need the best. So we're trying to shoehorn ourselves into a ritzy suburb even though we're not technically on the same financial footing as most of the residents. In a few years it should be so much better...I'll be able to go back to work, probably part-time, and we'll hammer down our debts. But it's going to be tight for the next 5 years or so.
Still, a better life for the kids. That's my focus and my goal. We have to do it for them, they deserve all we can possibly do for them. But wow, it is stressful and exhausting. I've taken to grinding my teeth...during the day. I can't wait for the time when I can start living my life again, rather than scratching and clawing my way through the days. That time will come, right? Please tell me that time will come.
The house is 1.5 stories, so the second floor is really just one large room plus a half bath. The closet in the bath is empty, the closet in the room is empty, and most of our stuff is downstairs, packed and stacked and ready for a dolly to wheel it out. That's my plan...to have everything packed and stacked well before "moving day" so as to make things move more quickly. We've all had that sucky move where we're scrambling to pack up the last few things when the truck is already there, yeah? IT BLOWS. So I'm trying to avoid that.
Problem is, we are not living there and it is 45 minutes away, so getting out there and having time to do a lot of packing is challenging. Thank God for my parents, who watch the kids so we can get it done. I'll be heading out Friday, I think, to do the kitchen cabinets. Then again over the weekend to do, oh, I don't know...maybe one of the bedrooms. Luckily we've been moving some of our crap out piecemeal as we need it. So it's not going to be a totally hellish move. Just kind of hellish. As moves generally are.
Oh, I am so tired. There is much to do in the next 30 days or so.
And no, we don't have a new house picked out yet. We're going to hang out and save up a few more dollars for a bit, so we can buy more house and make a better downpayment. It's not the ideal situation, staying with my parents (we feel like losers, even though we're not, thank you very much), but we can really sock away some extra dough this way. We're trying to go from a cheap area to a very expensive area by sneaking in - perhaps a foreclosure or something - so our children can have a better life, basically. The schools where both our parents live are #1 in the area, and with a very bright preschooler and a baby who may or may not require services in the future, we really feel we need the best. So we're trying to shoehorn ourselves into a ritzy suburb even though we're not technically on the same financial footing as most of the residents. In a few years it should be so much better...I'll be able to go back to work, probably part-time, and we'll hammer down our debts. But it's going to be tight for the next 5 years or so.
Still, a better life for the kids. That's my focus and my goal. We have to do it for them, they deserve all we can possibly do for them. But wow, it is stressful and exhausting. I've taken to grinding my teeth...during the day. I can't wait for the time when I can start living my life again, rather than scratching and clawing my way through the days. That time will come, right? Please tell me that time will come.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
hey, i thought this was a knitting blog
Wow, when was the last time I had a picture of some knitting on here? Good heavens. It has been awhile.
I've been pretty much knitting soakers for the Etsy shop, and socks. I'm on a major sock kick (ha! funny!) right now for some reason. Perhaps because I only knit TWO PAIR of adult socks in all of 2008. That's just ridiculous for me. I did knit 3.5 pair of child-size socks for Daughter, but that hardly counts. They are teeny.
This is the most recent pair I finished for her. The yarn was purchased last summer when I first discovered Red Heart's Heart & Sole sock yarn (I went on a bit of a buying spree because, hey, only like $2.50 with a coupon, awesome), and the socks were started when AJ was still in the hospital. I couldn't concentrate on anything more complicated at the time, and still they took months.
Heart & Sole sock yarn, I believe this is the "mellow stripe" colorway.
US size 2 Brittany Birch double pointed needles, two of which inexplicably broke during the knitting of these socks (yes I will be returning them as they are guaranteed).
Cast on 48 stitches, 2X2 rib for the leg, work heel flap, etc, etc, kitchener stitch toe. Couldn't be easier.
And for me:
These are some interesting socks. If by interesting you mean fugly. What a hideous colorway! This is "Lily Pad Multi" Knitpicks Essentials sock yarn, but I have named these my "Pond Scum" socks, because that is what they remind me of. Ugh!
The yarn came as part of a sock sampler that Hubs gave me for Christmas 2007. I thought it was about time I used some of that up! (Perhaps the reason for the sock knitting obsession these days...) Anyway, I would never have picked out this yarn on my own. It's gnarly.
The pattern is from Knitting Vintage Socks - which is not in the room with me so I can't recall the exact pattern name. Gentlemen's socks with lozenge pattern? Could that be it?
Here is a closeup:
I love the pattern. Very textured and it lends some interest to an otherwise boring old sock. I decided it's also time to start working my way through some of the umpteen pattern books I own. How many of you do what I do - just collect the darn books and look through them every once in awhile, but never actually use them to make stuff? How lame! Time to start putting these yarns and patterns to use!
I did modify the pattern a bit, as I will have to do for ALL of the socks in this book. I can't make it work with the tiny needles she recommends. I used a US 2 for these socks, and modified them down to 60 stitches, as I am not a gentleman and do not need 80+ stitches for my socks. They came out very nice and I will wear them, but boy are they ugly.
I've got some other projects in the works, and will try to post about them soon. The problem I have is finding the opportunity to take pictures. I'm definitely knitting...can't stop knitting...if the house were on fire I'd be all, "coming! Just let me finish this row!" But it's tough to blog about it for some reason. Just busy these days, I guess.
Things are going pretty well with the kids and stuff, though, so I'm slowly, slowly easing back into some normal life activities. I'm hoping blogging will come along as well.
I've been pretty much knitting soakers for the Etsy shop, and socks. I'm on a major sock kick (ha! funny!) right now for some reason. Perhaps because I only knit TWO PAIR of adult socks in all of 2008. That's just ridiculous for me. I did knit 3.5 pair of child-size socks for Daughter, but that hardly counts. They are teeny.
This is the most recent pair I finished for her. The yarn was purchased last summer when I first discovered Red Heart's Heart & Sole sock yarn (I went on a bit of a buying spree because, hey, only like $2.50 with a coupon, awesome), and the socks were started when AJ was still in the hospital. I couldn't concentrate on anything more complicated at the time, and still they took months.
Heart & Sole sock yarn, I believe this is the "mellow stripe" colorway.
US size 2 Brittany Birch double pointed needles, two of which inexplicably broke during the knitting of these socks (yes I will be returning them as they are guaranteed).
Cast on 48 stitches, 2X2 rib for the leg, work heel flap, etc, etc, kitchener stitch toe. Couldn't be easier.
And for me:
These are some interesting socks. If by interesting you mean fugly. What a hideous colorway! This is "Lily Pad Multi" Knitpicks Essentials sock yarn, but I have named these my "Pond Scum" socks, because that is what they remind me of. Ugh!
The yarn came as part of a sock sampler that Hubs gave me for Christmas 2007. I thought it was about time I used some of that up! (Perhaps the reason for the sock knitting obsession these days...) Anyway, I would never have picked out this yarn on my own. It's gnarly.
The pattern is from Knitting Vintage Socks - which is not in the room with me so I can't recall the exact pattern name. Gentlemen's socks with lozenge pattern? Could that be it?
Here is a closeup:
I love the pattern. Very textured and it lends some interest to an otherwise boring old sock. I decided it's also time to start working my way through some of the umpteen pattern books I own. How many of you do what I do - just collect the darn books and look through them every once in awhile, but never actually use them to make stuff? How lame! Time to start putting these yarns and patterns to use!
I did modify the pattern a bit, as I will have to do for ALL of the socks in this book. I can't make it work with the tiny needles she recommends. I used a US 2 for these socks, and modified them down to 60 stitches, as I am not a gentleman and do not need 80+ stitches for my socks. They came out very nice and I will wear them, but boy are they ugly.
I've got some other projects in the works, and will try to post about them soon. The problem I have is finding the opportunity to take pictures. I'm definitely knitting...can't stop knitting...if the house were on fire I'd be all, "coming! Just let me finish this row!" But it's tough to blog about it for some reason. Just busy these days, I guess.
Things are going pretty well with the kids and stuff, though, so I'm slowly, slowly easing back into some normal life activities. I'm hoping blogging will come along as well.
Friday, March 06, 2009
feed me, seymour
Ok, so, that's interesting! It turns out NONE of us actually knows how to feed a baby! (joking)
Seriously, though, the comments to my last post were very interesting. And I understand all the people who were scratching their heads and trying to recall what they did when feeding their 6 month-old babies, because that's totally me with Daughter. I know I fed her. I know she liked the food - I managed to write that part down. And I have really sketchy info in the baby book about how she was eating at 8.5 and 10 months...but aside from a few photos of her in the high chair, I have no idea how I started her on solids. So, so frustrating.
And I know I will not do my son any harm by giving him minimal solids now - babies get most of their nutrition from breastmilk or formula for the first year anyway.
There are two things at play here, for me. One is that I subconsciously want to get rid of his g-tube as quickly as possible, and of course I refuse to believe that he might have to keep it for more than a couple of years. Possibly unreasonable, yes, but people, after what I have been through it is pretty reasonable for me to be unreasonable sometimes. I guess I am struggling with rushing him into eating regular foods/meals because I need to prove that he will be able to eat. It's a very tricky and emotional road to navigate when you have a child with a feeding tube, let me tell you.
And the other thing is that I am parenting my son under a medical microscope. He is constantly seeing medical professionals from many disciplines, and while my brain realizes this is totally ridiculous, I live with the constant fear that I will be "yelled at" by one of these doctor-types for doing something wrong.....not necessarily harmful, but somehow not in the best interest of my baby. So, for example, I am sorely tempted to dump one bottle (6 oz, or 144 calories) and replace it with two "food" meals (making up the calories with cereal/milk mix and fruits/veg). I have to believe this is the path Daughter went down - she could not have been nursing a total quantity of 30 ounces per day PLUS eating all the food she consumed. I just don't believe it. But the difference is, when you breastfeed, no one has any clue how much the baby is actually getting. You just have to go by their weight and general appearance and assume you're doing ok. With these infernal bottles and stinking g-tube, I have total accountability. There is no fudging or faking it. If he doesn't gain enough, it is totally on me. Talk about a tricky emotional road. Which is filled with potholes. And speedbumps. And is poorly lit, to boot. Ay-yi-yi.
Oh well, I guess I will continue to do the best I can. What else can I do? I just wish I felt more confident about it.
Seriously, though, the comments to my last post were very interesting. And I understand all the people who were scratching their heads and trying to recall what they did when feeding their 6 month-old babies, because that's totally me with Daughter. I know I fed her. I know she liked the food - I managed to write that part down. And I have really sketchy info in the baby book about how she was eating at 8.5 and 10 months...but aside from a few photos of her in the high chair, I have no idea how I started her on solids. So, so frustrating.
And I know I will not do my son any harm by giving him minimal solids now - babies get most of their nutrition from breastmilk or formula for the first year anyway.
There are two things at play here, for me. One is that I subconsciously want to get rid of his g-tube as quickly as possible, and of course I refuse to believe that he might have to keep it for more than a couple of years. Possibly unreasonable, yes, but people, after what I have been through it is pretty reasonable for me to be unreasonable sometimes. I guess I am struggling with rushing him into eating regular foods/meals because I need to prove that he will be able to eat. It's a very tricky and emotional road to navigate when you have a child with a feeding tube, let me tell you.
And the other thing is that I am parenting my son under a medical microscope. He is constantly seeing medical professionals from many disciplines, and while my brain realizes this is totally ridiculous, I live with the constant fear that I will be "yelled at" by one of these doctor-types for doing something wrong.....not necessarily harmful, but somehow not in the best interest of my baby. So, for example, I am sorely tempted to dump one bottle (6 oz, or 144 calories) and replace it with two "food" meals (making up the calories with cereal/milk mix and fruits/veg). I have to believe this is the path Daughter went down - she could not have been nursing a total quantity of 30 ounces per day PLUS eating all the food she consumed. I just don't believe it. But the difference is, when you breastfeed, no one has any clue how much the baby is actually getting. You just have to go by their weight and general appearance and assume you're doing ok. With these infernal bottles and stinking g-tube, I have total accountability. There is no fudging or faking it. If he doesn't gain enough, it is totally on me. Talk about a tricky emotional road. Which is filled with potholes. And speedbumps. And is poorly lit, to boot. Ay-yi-yi.
Oh well, I guess I will continue to do the best I can. What else can I do? I just wish I felt more confident about it.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
and again i am asking for your help
Changing tracks a bit here, I have a very important question for those of you who bottle-fed your children.
I am in a very weird place with trying to transition my son to eating solid foods. He loves the baby cereals and tolerates first foods (fruit and veg), and is just in the preliminary stages of trying a sippy cup. Yee haw.
The problem is, he is a little guy, still (just over 14 lbs at 6 months) and he can't take in the number of ounces of milk/formula recommended PLUS eat the amount of baby foods also recommended for his age. I have a chart that the feeding clinic and the pediatrician told me to follow, but it has my son ingesting 4-5 bottles per day at 6-8 ounces each, PLUS several tablespoons of cereal twice per day PLUS several tablespoons of first foods twice per day. Oh my gosh, he just can't hold all that food. I know he can't because he likes to eat, but turns away from the spoon if he is not hungry.
Now, the problem is that he is bottle fed, and not only that, he is also tube fed. He will drink about 1-2 ounces out of a 6 ounce bottle, then I put the rest through his g-tube. This ensures that he gets all the calories he needs for growth - otherwise he would be a 'failure to thrive' baby because he cannot ingest enough to maintain growth.
So if he were just breastfed on demand like Daughter, I would feed him solids at lunch and dinner, and then nurse him whenever else he fussed or was going down for naps/bed. Unfortunately I can't go that way, even subbing bottles for the nursing part, because he simply won't drink enough to sustain himself. So it's not like I can just wing it and not worry about the calories. I have to because he is essentially force-fed. Ugh.
I know he still needs the majority of his nutrition from milk and formula. However, I also want him to start to experience eating and regular meals with us. I just don't know how to get it all into him, though.
Anyway, all that aside, what I would like to know from the bottle-feeders out there is this: how did you go about starting solids with your children? My son wakes at 7 am, and goes to sleep at 8:30 or so at night, and I just can't figure out how to cram all this eating into the 12-ish hours he is awake during the day (aside from naps of course, which further complicate things).
When you bottle-feed, do you always automatically start the day with a bottle? Or did any of you go right to offering cereal and fruit for breakfast? If your child ate solids well at a meal, when did you then give a bottle? How many ounces of milk or formula were your babies drinking at 6 months? I would appreciate as much information as any of you can recall. Leave a comment or drop me an email (momwhoknits AT yahoo DOT com).
We go to feeding clinic again in 2 weeks, and I'm going to ask them to lay it out for me the way they think it should be done, with specific numbers of ounces and tablespoons and times, etc. I know they'll give me crappy, sketchy information like they always do. I just want to do the best I can for my son and I'm having such a hard time with this.
Any help anyone can offer me will be gratefully accepted. I'm really struggling.
I am in a very weird place with trying to transition my son to eating solid foods. He loves the baby cereals and tolerates first foods (fruit and veg), and is just in the preliminary stages of trying a sippy cup. Yee haw.
The problem is, he is a little guy, still (just over 14 lbs at 6 months) and he can't take in the number of ounces of milk/formula recommended PLUS eat the amount of baby foods also recommended for his age. I have a chart that the feeding clinic and the pediatrician told me to follow, but it has my son ingesting 4-5 bottles per day at 6-8 ounces each, PLUS several tablespoons of cereal twice per day PLUS several tablespoons of first foods twice per day. Oh my gosh, he just can't hold all that food. I know he can't because he likes to eat, but turns away from the spoon if he is not hungry.
Now, the problem is that he is bottle fed, and not only that, he is also tube fed. He will drink about 1-2 ounces out of a 6 ounce bottle, then I put the rest through his g-tube. This ensures that he gets all the calories he needs for growth - otherwise he would be a 'failure to thrive' baby because he cannot ingest enough to maintain growth.
So if he were just breastfed on demand like Daughter, I would feed him solids at lunch and dinner, and then nurse him whenever else he fussed or was going down for naps/bed. Unfortunately I can't go that way, even subbing bottles for the nursing part, because he simply won't drink enough to sustain himself. So it's not like I can just wing it and not worry about the calories. I have to because he is essentially force-fed. Ugh.
I know he still needs the majority of his nutrition from milk and formula. However, I also want him to start to experience eating and regular meals with us. I just don't know how to get it all into him, though.
Anyway, all that aside, what I would like to know from the bottle-feeders out there is this: how did you go about starting solids with your children? My son wakes at 7 am, and goes to sleep at 8:30 or so at night, and I just can't figure out how to cram all this eating into the 12-ish hours he is awake during the day (aside from naps of course, which further complicate things).
When you bottle-feed, do you always automatically start the day with a bottle? Or did any of you go right to offering cereal and fruit for breakfast? If your child ate solids well at a meal, when did you then give a bottle? How many ounces of milk or formula were your babies drinking at 6 months? I would appreciate as much information as any of you can recall. Leave a comment or drop me an email (momwhoknits AT yahoo DOT com).
We go to feeding clinic again in 2 weeks, and I'm going to ask them to lay it out for me the way they think it should be done, with specific numbers of ounces and tablespoons and times, etc. I know they'll give me crappy, sketchy information like they always do. I just want to do the best I can for my son and I'm having such a hard time with this.
Any help anyone can offer me will be gratefully accepted. I'm really struggling.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
unbelievable
Holy &*#$^*&@, the house passed inspection, and not only that, these people want to know how much of our furniture and which appliances we are willing to sell them.
Seriously???
I am so used to having shitty luck that I truly do not know how to handle this. I'm simply blown away. This is really happening. We are being released from the worst decision we have made as a couple and given a chance to move forward. God is good. I don't know what else to say.
Seriously???
I am so used to having shitty luck that I truly do not know how to handle this. I'm simply blown away. This is really happening. We are being released from the worst decision we have made as a couple and given a chance to move forward. God is good. I don't know what else to say.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
best. news. ever.
Someone bought our house.
I'm scared to get too excited because the house still needs to pass inspection, but oh, it is hard not to get excited. I have been praying for this for so long. A better life for my children. Closer to family, friends, and everything. We have been through so much, and this feels like we are finally catching a break.
Thank you, God, for this blessing! Now please, please don't let it fall through...
I'm scared to get too excited because the house still needs to pass inspection, but oh, it is hard not to get excited. I have been praying for this for so long. A better life for my children. Closer to family, friends, and everything. We have been through so much, and this feels like we are finally catching a break.
Thank you, God, for this blessing! Now please, please don't let it fall through...
Friday, February 20, 2009
winter doldrums
Hello, all. Still here. Cold. Bored. Listless.
Winter sucks. Especially with wee children. They take cabin fever to a whole new level.
There has been a bit of knitting.
Exciting, no? No, not really. These are for sale over on Etsy.
There's a sock in progress that I pick up and put down, knitting one or two rounds at a time. I'm still sort-of working on the big, boring off-white raglan I started a couple months back. Finished Daughter's stripey socks, finally, that were started before AJ made it home from the hospital (must remember to get photo...she put them on right after the ends were woven in, and wore them for two days straight). And I've knit about 1/3 of the back of a Trellis sweater for a baby girl due in May. I remember making one for Daughter - picked out the yarn at a local shop when she was just weeks old, riding in the Bjorn carrier. Can it be that was 3.5 years ago? Holy cow.
Anyway. Longing for more sunshine, warm breezes, longer days, and time outside. Can't wait to head to the playground and turn Daughter loose while AJ and I chill on a blanket. Soooooooo sick of winter.
Winter sucks. Especially with wee children. They take cabin fever to a whole new level.
There has been a bit of knitting.
Exciting, no? No, not really. These are for sale over on Etsy.
There's a sock in progress that I pick up and put down, knitting one or two rounds at a time. I'm still sort-of working on the big, boring off-white raglan I started a couple months back. Finished Daughter's stripey socks, finally, that were started before AJ made it home from the hospital (must remember to get photo...she put them on right after the ends were woven in, and wore them for two days straight). And I've knit about 1/3 of the back of a Trellis sweater for a baby girl due in May. I remember making one for Daughter - picked out the yarn at a local shop when she was just weeks old, riding in the Bjorn carrier. Can it be that was 3.5 years ago? Holy cow.
Anyway. Longing for more sunshine, warm breezes, longer days, and time outside. Can't wait to head to the playground and turn Daughter loose while AJ and I chill on a blanket. Soooooooo sick of winter.
Friday, February 13, 2009
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