Tuesday, March 30, 2010

oh, me

Hey, so, where am I?

Gosh, I just don't know. I don't know how these amazing mamas do it, raising more children than I, and still churning out the creative blog posts day after day. Holy moly.

Right now I'm looking over a really messy kitchen where rice krispies are strewn far and wide, the table is sticky, the dishes are piled up, the countertops are covered with crumbs...the carpets and ceilings and corners of the hardwood floors are dusty and, ew, cobwebby...I just used the last of the diapers in the stack and really need to get off my butt to throw the dirties in the washer...I really must get organized and make sure the kindergarten papers are all completed and ready since I hand them in at 1:20 today...and AJ's speech evaluation is in 1/2 hour right here, in the middle of the maelstrom.

It's just been like that, lately. I can't finish anything right now, even emptying the dishwasher is often a job abandoned 3 or 4 times before completion. I spend most of my day trying to keep the kids from torturing each other. I knit a few rows here, a few there...so many things I want to get done, especially for my sister whose baby shower is in May. I drink gallons of coffee but still can't seem to shake off this logy feeling.

You know what? I went in for my annual exam last week, and after going over the usual health questions, the nurse asked me if I have any "anxiety or depression." For the first time since I had my first child 5 years ago, they asked me if I have anxiety or depression. I laughed out loud when she asked. Does feeling like a tattered flag at the top of an abandoned flagpole on a really windy day qualify? Cripes.

But then again, really, I wouldn't say I have any kind of serious problem. And my son is doing so, so well compared to even 6 months ago. He's actually eating quite a bit now, and hopefully with speech therapy will continue to improve. Things are pretty good, I'm really quite blessed. I just think it will take many, many months...no, years...to climb back up to a sense of normalcy. It's just been such a rough ride.

Oh dear. This wasn't supposed to be a "woe is me" post. It's just to say I'm here, chugging along. Just in a bit of a lull right now.

3 comments:

Karen said...

Kate, my sweet friend, depression and anxiety aren't always related to life's circumstances. You could have everything in life exactly perfect and depression and/or anxiety can remain. It doesn't always make sense why it happens this way but it does.

Mrs Lemon said...

I talked to my doctor a couple of weeks ago about the anxiety level I'm experiencing for the first time in many years ... and for the first time in about 6 months, I feel like I am "Liz" again. Half a Zoloft per day, thank you doctor for asking how I'm feeling :)

Nicole Spring (Frontier Dreams) said...

Sending you cyber *hugs* I know how that can be :( I was just looking over your blog and you have made so many amazing things!!