Friday, October 17, 2008

just a little update

For those interested in the medical happenings, our son is resting relatively comfortably. He continues to receive tiny doses of morphine as needed, but he has not needed much. This morning, 48 hours after surgery, he is finally being fed, though it is just Pedialyte. They are literally administering it drop by drop through the GT and it is agonizing to watch it drip, knowing he is hungry and that's all he can have.

In a couple of days he will go to a very slow feed of breastmilk again, and hopefully by next week we will begin bolus feedings so we can start thinking about discharge.

We haven't been able to hold him yet, as he is tethered to the pump that administers the Pedialyte. That will continue on a constant, around-the-clock drip for now. Plus he is still in pain and I wouldn't want to pick him up and hold him if it means his abdomen would be scrunched up.

As for me? Well, I am doing my best. I am angry and confused and hurt and sad, mostly because my little boy has to suffer. I'm tired...the kind of tired where you don't even fully realize just how tired you are until you lay down in bed at night, flip on the news, and miss it because sleep comes instantly. I'm straight-up worn out and just want this all to be much as it can be. This morning Hubs and I went to training for CPR and to learn how to use the apnea/bradycardia monitor and suction machine our son will come home with, a real reminder that things won't be the same around here for the foreseeable future.

I guess that's it for now. Just muddling through as best we can.


Pam said...

I still have no words - I just wanted to check in and see how you and your new little guy were doing. I'm so glad the surgery went well and I hope you get to hold him very soon. Take care Kate.

Karen said...

I'm glad things went well and that he's recovering.

Ruth said...

Thanks for taking the time to update, Kate. My fingers are just itching to make you a casserole, and/or bring you coffee, and/or just sit with you quietly and knit.

I hope you can hug your boy very soon. Thinking of you ....

Jenn said...

I'm glad to read your updates - you are in my thoughts daily.