Saturday, May 31, 2008

in which i am a jerk

This is one of those days...one of those days where by the end of it you just feel so used up you can't figure out how you're even going to brush your own teeth before bed. The weather was extremely unsettled all night and so was I, waking over and over, and having bizarre dreams when I did sleep. High humidity led to aching sinuses this morning, and lack of sleep led to a bad attitude all day.

Daughter has reached a phase where every single thing begets an argument. The only thing she does willingly these days is clean her plate at dinner, because she wants a "sandwich cookie" - that being a generic Target chocolate/vanilla faker Oreo, which is not as good as a real Oreo, but will suffice when all you need is the hit of sugar. And you are kind of broke. Which I am.

Seriously, I am so tired of arguing with my kid. By bathtime tonight I was pretty much straight-up yelling at her, which as we all know gets you nowhere...but I didn't know how to stop. Hubs had left us alone to go get fitted for a tuxedo (he is in a wedding next weekend), the kitchen was still filled with dirty dinner dishes, there were toys everywhere, and I had no reserves left. Now Daughter is in bed and I feel like a total a-hole. I want to apologize to her but how do you explain yourself to a 3 year-old? How do I explain that I am trying to grow a human being here, and it is way more tiring than women are given credit for?

I have so many things to do, and I just want to sit down for awhile and be left the hell alone. But then Daughter asks for a glass of milk, and Hubs acts like he suddenly can't hear, so who else is going to get up and do it? Poor kid can't wait on herself.

My sister emailed to ask how our dresses are coming along for her wedding...you know, just curious! So I've been filled with guilt because I hadn't even taken the fabric out of the bags yet, much less started sewing. The wedding isn't until August, what's the rush? But she is coming home for her shower next weekend, and now I feel obligated to at least finish the flower girl dress so she can see it. I've been a bride, I know that unsettled feeling when things aren't done and ready. She wants to know there will be a flower girl dress, so I need to produce one. I spent naptime today cutting it out and pondering how to mark for tucks on taffeta.

The fridge is empty. Like, Mother Hubbard empty. Hubs is complaining, but tomorrow is grocery day, not today, so leave me alone, dude. There was plenty to make a good dinner, but nothing to snack on! God forbid!

I have heartburn tonight and I don't know if it's from what I ate, or how awful I feel about my rotten behavior toward my poor kid.

So much to do, and I am only one person. And I feel like a jerk for not being able to keep up.

4 comments:

Shari said...

Although it probably won't make you feel any better please know that we have all been there. Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start. Maybe tomorrow you'll be able to find some time for yourself. It's hard I know but try to think of it as being in everyone's best interest which really it is.

Karen said...

Woman. I know.

and I also second what Shari said.

Pam said...

I was just telling my husband that my life feels like the back of a shampoo bottle: "Later. Rinse. Repeat." Clean up. Make mess. Clean up AGAIN...and again...and again.

I could totally use a generic oreo right now:)

amandajean said...

oh, honey, I feel your pain. I have 3 little ones 7 and under and sometimes I feel like they would treat a maid a lot better than they would treat me. it's not easy, is it?