why not homeschool?

Thanks for the nice comments on my last post (re: creative and messy). My dear friend Karen left a comment asking me why not homeschool Daughter, since we are doing well now?

Indeed, why not?

There are so many issues tied up in that little question, I hardly know where to start. First I should say that I don't plan to homeschool her. I am doing so now because I didn't find an affordable program that I liked enough to fork over the money. The ONLY thing I wanted for Daughter that she is not getting enough of at home is social interaction with other kids her age. I still wish we could get together with more kids, but it is so hard. I took her to her swimming lesson this weekend and in the car she told me she hoped her friend would be there - Isabella, the girl she met for the first time last weekend. The poor child is so hungry for friends, and so outgoing. It breaks my heart not to be able to provide that to her. So that is the first reason she is going to school next year.

The second reason is the fact that we moved here, to Expensive-ville, just so she could attend the public schools. They are known to be excellent, and Hubs and I went through this district, so we know what we're getting. It is mostly what we want. But I am so, so torn about surrendering her to those schools 11 months from now. She is so creative and sweet and generous and trusting and wonderful...it kills me to think she will lose a lot of that the minute she steps on the bus for the first time.

Now, if I had my druthers, I'd send my sweet, creative child to our "local" Waldorf school. I think. Well, I'm not sure, exactly, but I probably would! How's that for being clear as mud?

I just finished reading You Are Your Child's First Teacher, and I must recommend that you all run to the library and read it immediately. If you already have children, if you are planning to have more, or if you haven't had any yet, go get this book! I will admit, and I will warn, that it is a bit on the "hippy-dippy" side, but the insights the author provides into raising small children and encouraging their natural learning are so, so inspiring. She also manages to distill Rudolf Steiner's work down into understandable concepts and explain the basics of Waldorf education without overwhelming the reader.

We have only one Waldorf school in Western New York, and it is a solid 45 minutes away from our home in good weather, plus it costs mucho dinero to go there, so it's not going to happen. But I'm rapidly falling in love with the concepts embraced by the Waldorf system, such as soft colors, curved surfaces, picture-based learning, music and movement, and a real emphasis on teaching the whole child. The kindergartens are true to the name - a child's garden of play, and academic concepts are not emphasized until "the changing of teeth" which is a weird-sounding way of saying 7 or 8 years old. What we consider 1st or 2nd grade in our public-school universe is where academics begin in the Waldorf program. The major emphasis before that age is allowing the child's energy to be devoted to physical growth, development, and maturity.

Now, I am no expert on Steiner or Waldorf; I only know what I have read and it isn't much. But it makes so much sense! I'm cringing at the thought of my exceptionally bright daughter, who was reading the newspaper to me this morning, sitting in a hard chair at a desk or table with other 5 year-olds, being given a stupid worksheet with the letter G on it, having to circle the things that start with G and color them in. BORING! She will be told to be quiet, to get in line, to follow directions, to listen for a bell that signals when she can and cannot get up and move.

And I am so torn.

Part of me supports the logical argument that this is America in 2009 and kids need to learn and study and get ahead. The world is not a hippy-dippy place and Daughter will have to be the best to get into the school of her choice and build a career. But a part of me says "eff that!" and wants her to have her childhood, for as long as possible!

I have my arguments with the book and with some of the ideas. I don't know if I would get rid of the television entirely, or take away all computer privileges, or dump every single toy that isn't wooden/natural and handmade, or burn all the clothes that aren't made of 100% natural fibers. That would never fly in my household, anyway, since my husband spends most of his time with one eyeball on the tv and one on his computer. Plus I don't want to raise my kid to be the weird outcast whose mom won't let her have any "junk food" in her lunch and who never heard of Disney. A large part of that is also our community, I guess. We now live in an area that I think of as being very "hard," meaning, I guess, very professional and fast-paced and cold. The school systems are designed to groom little investment bankers, not particularly well-rounded, happy, well-adjusted kids. Like I said, the Waldorf school is out in the boondocks 45 minutes from here. There's no Hanna Andersson store here (much to my dismay), for natural soft clothing. People work, moms don't generally stay home, and if they do it is so they can go to the gym, and go get their nails and hair done, not so they can do homeschool-y stuff with their kids. I'm not saying those families don't exist, but they are not the norm, whereas in some parts of the country you can actually find multiple alternative education schools and entire communities that embrace those values.

So I have all this stuff churning around in my head. I will probably have more to say about it in future posts as I continue my mothering journey and strive to guide my babies in what I hope and pray is the right direction. Have any of you read the book I am talking about? Do you send your children to the local public school? How do you feel about it? Are your children in an alternative-education environment? Are you happy?

Are your children happy?

creative home

I have been trying very, very hard to avoid turning on the television before lunchtime. I have been in the throes of some kind of depression for many years now, and combined with pregnancies, that has led me to plop my kid(s) in front of the tube waaaaaayyyyy too much. It's also a selfish and unfair way to buy myself time.

So now, in the mornings, we all have breakfast together in the kitchen (imagine!), while listening to the morning news on NPR, and I quickly check my email, facebook, and 3 or 4 favorite blogs. If Daughter finishes quickly, she can play with toys or do some coloring while waiting for AJ to finish. Then we go into the family room together and play with the dollhouse or some other creative-play item.

At 9:30 or 9:45 AJ goes up for morning nap, and it is "homeschool" time for Daughter. I will have more to say about that in the future, but for now I'll share that we are using Kumon workbooks to practice simple addition, long vowel sounds/printing, cutting, and pasting. When we finish that (usually takes about an hour), we move on to some kind of craft. I try to let Daughter direct what we will do, but some days I have to take the lead.

Today we made a Halloween mobile to hang on our front door. So if you come by, you'll be greeted by these guys:



I have trouble putting aside my OCD when it comes to a neat and organized home, because when we're done, this is what the kitchen table looks like:



Morning coffee cup, current and future knitting project, hole punches, scissors, construction paper scraps, glue, crayons, pencils, workbooks...

It's a bit of a disaster, really, but it's a creative disaster.

never not knitting

Since I haven't posted much interesting visual content in a long while, I thought I'd throw up some knitting today.



My sister got married last summer, and asked for some Christmas stockings. I was originally going to sew them, but my sewing mojo is missing in action these days. I'm more into knitting at this time of year...feel it right in my bones, actually, can't stop! So I am knitting up a sample stocking from an ancient skein of Fisherman's Wool I had in my stash (you can tell how old it is by the label). I bought this yarn several years ago when I was into dyeing with kool-aid and Rit, but I lost interest and a couple skeins have been sitting around.

So: Christmas gifting AND stashbusting in one. Sounds good to me.

new leaf

Oh hello there! Aaaaaaaand another month has gone by. September did its best to beat the life out of me (15 medical appointments, holy crap), and I am kind of feeling like I'm on life support right now, but I survived!

Unfortunately part of surviving was jettisoning unnecessary activities, and blogging sort of falls under that category.

Now that we are heading into a new month I'm trying to take control of this crazy train and steer it in a new direction. It is hard, oh so hard, but like it or not, I'm in the driver's seat. I need to put aside my feelings of inadequacy and victimization and sadness and try harder to be the best mom/wife/runner-of-the-household that I can be. That doesn't mean I won't have my days when I curl up in the fetal position and weep pitifully because my son won't eat, but it does mean I will get my butt into bed earlier at night and knit or read to calm down, then get a good night of sleep. I will rise earlier, get showered and dressed, and run the morning efficiently so we don't find ourselves still in pajamas at noon, zoned out in front of the TV, surrounded by dirty dishes and a messy house, and scrambling to prepare for a therapist's arrival. That just results in a lot of yelling and misery. Fall is lovely, and we will spend as much of it "out there" as we can, but hot on the heels of fall is a miserable Buffalo winter. I need to try to get a good rhythm going around here if it's to be at all bearable.

So! Onward!

AJ had a lovely birthday (which feels like it was just yesterday...people ask his age and I say he is one, but in two days it will be 13 months!) and received lots of snuggly winter clothes. Unfortunately it is all 18-24 months, so I am scrambling to put together some warmth for the near future without really spending much. Hello knitting needles! I have knitted long johns planned...oh look, there's the yarn and directions staring me in the face. He is currently wearing the little knitted pants my mom made last year:



and I got her to knit him another pair in the next size. I have another sweater I made for him that still needs buttons, so I'll get that together and post some photos soon.

Daughter has started swimming lessons, is reading and writing well above her age level, and has just about mastered adding 1. We will soon move to adding 2 in our homeschool repertoire. She is cutting and gluing beautifully, and her creativity is blossoming. Oh, how I wish I did not have to surrender her to the clutches of public school next year. Much, much more about that to come in future posts.

One of my new goals, which I hope to achieve through my new plan of being more efficient and organized, is to find those moments in the day where I can use my creativity. Some of the reading I've been doing lately describes creative endeavors as "meditation" for busy moms, and I could use that. If I keep up with things throughout the day, and don't end up with a huge pile of mess to clean up at naptime, I can use that time for myself. More happiness for everyone!

Along those lines, I have the very beginnings of a quilt started for my son:



Right now the poor kid is sleeping under his sister's baby quilt. And though we have no shortage of blankets and quilts around here, the boy should have his own. This is the most masculine fabric collection I could find in my stash, and I think it will work. All I had were fat quarters, so I will have to pull one of the solid colors to make borders and hopefully curtains/throw pillows/etc. to go with. Right now his bedroom is awfully sparsely furnished (crib, changing table, small side table with lamp) so one of my winter goals is to make it much nicer for him (at least I'd like to get a rug in there).

I have to much on my mind, and so many posts semi-composed in my head. But right now the kids are fighting over the dollhouse and the OT arrives shortly so I have to go prepare. At least the breakfast dishes are done...

8 years ago

The thing I will always remember is the terrifically blue sky. I never saw such a gorgeous day.

Blessings to the families and friends of the lost on this day.

ONE!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AJ!!!

We made it to one, big boy! The past 12 months have felt kind of like 12 years, but you are worth every second of it.

If we had known then what you would be today, well, as Daddy said last night..."we would have gotten a lot more sleep." Happy, happy birthday, my sweet, amazing boy.

stream of consciousness

Sometimes I feel like I'm not very good at this job.

I mean, I know I am pretty proficient at the tasks associated with mothering small children. My kids are clean (most of the time), their clothes are clean and pressed, their beds get made, their teeth get brushed, they are served warm, healthy meals. I make medical and dental appointments and take the children to them, and I usually even remember to take something along to keep them occupied in the waiting room. They have safe car seats, lots of toys, limited exposure to television (other than PBS), and are encouraged to use their minds and hands creatively.

It's the other stuff I'm not sure about. The stuff that makes me feel like I'm not old enough to handle this job - things like calling up a neighbor or ringing a doorbell to ask if their little girl(s) would like to play with Daughter. I am not about to send my own child into the home of someone I've only just met, nor do I expect one of them to send their child(ren) here to play. But I can't sit outside all afternoon to keep an eye on Daughter and one or more children, either, because of AJ's schedule and needs. We don't have a sandbox or swingset yet, nor do our next-door neighbors (who have a 5 year-old girl). I'm not even that good at making friends for myself...how do I help my Daughter to do so?

I can't even get us off the stupid couch in the morning. How's that for sad? We're prone to slouching around in our pajamas for several hours because AJ has to complete his feeding and then take a nap anyway, so it's not like we're going to go out.

I don't have a whole lot of energy. I tend to get my tasks done and then don't feel like doing much.

And I just sort of always feel like there's something I don't know, but the other moms do. Like I'm...behind, or something. Am I the only one? No matter who is around, I feel young and inexperienced and left out. Is there some secret to feeling like a confident mom? If there is I certainly don't know it. There are times when I sit on the couch and look at my kids and think, what am I supposed to be doing with these children?

We have a playdate scheduled for next week with a girl I went to high school with. We weren't super-best friends, but that was a long time ago. I'm actually quite excited about this - getting out of the house! Talking to someone my age! Having a kid for Daughter to interact with! (He is 2 and 1/2 but that's better than nothing.)

I read a lot of what I call "pretty blogs." They are the blogs of the moms who have a really nice camera and they seem always to be capturing the beauty in life. With their kids! And often their husbands! And I am so, so, so jealous of them. I have major lifestyle envy when I read and look at their lovely photos. These women are my age, or often even a bit younger, and many of them have more children than I do, but they seem to have it so...together. And I realize that a blog post is just a snapshot, in the same way that a photo spread in Better Homes & Gardens magazine is not truly what anyone's house looks like, but still...in the aggregate? These women have prettier lives than I do and I am jealous! I want to take my kids out to the places I see on the pretty blogs. I want to pick fruit with my kids, and cut flowers to put in mason jars, and sew adorable useful items out of vintage linens, and bake bread and go hiking and camping and get together with my like-minded bloggy friends and HAVE A PRETTY LIFE, DAMMIT! (Except for that camping part...don't know why I said that, because I never want to go camping.)

The point is that they DO STUFF. With their kids. Their well-adjusted, active, curious kids. I don't get the impression they sit around all morning watching PBS. Or maybe they do! After all, a blog is just a snapshot. Right?

I could do all this stuff, I guess. I could. I just don't know exactly how to go about it. My son puts me in an interesting and awkward position. He's a year old tomorrow...starting to push back against morning nap, so yesterday we blew it off to run some errands. By early afternoon he was a wreck, his therapy session was useless, and he crashed for almost 4 hours. Feeding him, as I've mentioned, is a bit of a task and not an easy thing to do outside of our home, and frankly, we have to be home every afternoon because of therapy. How do I make us a prettier life? How do I get us UP and OUT?

I keep telling myself "next summer" - AJ will be 18 months+, walking, I assume, and will need fewer naps and hopefully less therapy. But next summer is next summer. It is not now. This precious time with my little girl is fleeting, and it is going by so fast. I am keeping her home with me this winter, and I fear it will become just wasted time if I'm not very, very careful.

What to do? What to do?

I have to get myself up. I have to turn off the TV. I have to do this. Just not sure how.

week's end

Whew! Finally, the end of a busy week.

Yesterday I took AJ back to the hospital for a swallow study - a barium contrast xray of food actually being eaten - so we could find out if there is anything structurally wrong with his mouth, throat, or esophagus. The speech pathologist administering the test mixed barium with a tiny taste of baby food and I had to try to feed it to AJ.

HA! Try getting a baby to eat a smidgen of puree drowned in barium. Go ahead, try it!

Thankfully he was able to get enough down that it was a good study. We could clearly see the little blob of food go from his lips back to the throat and whoomp! down the hatch. Quite fascinating, really. We could see that there is no structural problem (thank God) but there IS a significant delay in transit time for the food going from his lips to his throat. In other words, he holds it in his mouth too long, and has trouble working it backward efficiently.

I choose to take this as excellent news. This means his problem appears to be oral-motor related and NOT structural, which means (I think) that it is possible he will outgrow it as he gets bigger and stronger. I am making that all up - no doctor has analyzed the test - but it makes sense to me.

We are currently at about 2 tablespoons of food per lunch and dinner feeding, which is a vast improvement from zero food, obviously. Do I wish he was inhaling jar after jar, or eating grilled cheese sandwiches like his sister was at this age? Of course. Definitely. But I'll take these little victories.

Today is a completely free day. No appointments, no therapies, no obligations. My parents are picking Daughter up in a couple hours to take her on an adventure for the day. It will be just me and my little boy, and he takes two nice naps, so for awhile, it will be just me! I'm going to enjoy a nice quiet house, hit the craft store for a couple supplies I need, and spend some time cleaning up and doing some projects.

I took some photos of my central park hoodie being blocked, but they came out all glare-y and yellow, so I need to edit them before posting. That's coming soon, as well as an adorable cabled sweater I'm just finishing up for AJ. I really should put down the needles and endeavor to get more rest, but it's all the therapy I've got...

Oh, and did I mention he's walking around the playpen?

i'm being eaten by a boa constrictor

Ok, so not a boa constrictor, exactly...but I am pretty sure the month of September is going to swallow me whole. We have a minimum of two medical appointments each week of the month, with 4 - count 'em, 4 - appointments this week, just to finish out August. Wheeeeeee! My car knows the way to the hospital all by itself at this point.

It's not my fault, really. The surgical follow-up appointments have to be made, so if there are any problems they can be addressed (we don't think there are any problems, though).

Both kids have to be seen by our new pediatrician as well patients before they can be seen as sick patients, and with fall/flu season approaching, I thought it best to get that out of the way now. Otherwise I have to drive 45 minutes to get them to the old pediatrician if they get sick - no thanks.

AJ has to have a hearing test at 1 year of age, which is NEXT WEEK OMG WHAT HAPPENED MY BABY IS ONE!!!

AJ also has to have a swallow study (a barium contrast xray) so we can hopefully find out why on earth he can't drink liquids without choking, and why he won't eat more than a few mouthfuls of food.

We ALL have to go to the dentist (Daughter for the 1st time ever, Hubs and I because we blew it off for the past year due to general craziness of life), which was yesterday and today.

Aaaaaand, I have a cavity. See above point re: blowing off regular dental visits for a year. Dammit. So there's another appointment.

Pretty sure there are a couple more in there...an endocrinologist visit for me (thyroid), a life insurance exam for Hubs, etc, etc. The good news is we are dropping one day of therapy for AJ because he is doing so well with gross motor. The bad news is we'll hardly feel that schedule change till October, when we will be able to pause and breathe again.

The other bad news is that we are detecting a barely perceptible weakness on AJ's right side - he favors his left hand and foot, has a much worse time with his right ear (though tubes were reinserted on Friday and he is happy and singing again), and now we've been told he has slight strabismus of the right eye (aka lazy eye). Again, these are barely noticeable to outside observers, but unfortunately the problem is definitely there and that means...more appointments. Now we've been referred to a pediatric opthamologist. I'm waiting on that, though, till his 1-year physical in a few weeks. I want to see what our new pediatrician says before I go making more appointments. The problem may not be bad enough to require patching of the other eye. Let's pray that it isn't, hmmmm? I can't imagine trying to get him to keep a patch on his face.

So.

Busy. But overall things are mostly good. A few bumps in our road, but we are getting used to that and can roll with it much more easily these days.

I have a big bag of knitting wips that are screaming for my attention, and a pile of semi-completed sewing that is equally loud. I want to sit down and finish some stuff, and then blog that stuff because that's fun, but we'll have to see how the next few weeks go. We also want to get to the playground as much as we can (Daughter really gets the short end of the stick during these busy stretches), and enjoy yummy summer farmstand foods, go out for ice cream, and soak in the end of summer.

Right now it's one day - no, make that one hour - at a time. Lots of lists, lots of careful planning. Time for lunch. Let's get through that and then see what happens!

rug braiding?

Anyone ever tried making braided rugs? There's a kit you can buy - I've only ever seen it offered from Herrschner's - that represents a fairly small investment (probably around $20 after shipping and whatnot). I have so much fabric in relatively small amounts, and I'm so tired of looking at it!

I'm wondering if making braided throw rugs might be a good way to use up some of the old fabrics I've had in stash for years and years. I keep thinking I will make it into quilts, but realistically, after 10 years of hanging on to some of it, I truly don't even want it anymore. I'm bored with my stash, and besides, I don't want all my quilts to look the same. I'd rather go to the fabric store when I have a project in mind and carefully select fabrics. But I definitely don't want to waste what I already have.

So I'm thinking braided rugs. It appeals to my Ma Ingalls sensibilities. Use what you have for what you need, right? Or am I nuts? Anyone tried it? Is it awesome? Does it suck?

warm, continued

Sure, it's in the high 80s and humid...so I just park it in front of the AC and knit on. Winter is coming...


More socks for Daughter.

This is Joann "Sensations" sock yarn; a new style called "Bamboo and Ewe." Knitting it up was simply delightful. It is very, very soft, which may be a lousy feature of sock yarn. It gets lots of wear and rubbing inside of shoes, and I fear it may pill. Time will tell. I bought this colorway (don't know the name and I chucked the label, oops), and solid red, because I have not been able to find a solid, basic red sock yarn anywhere. I think it is priced at $5.99, so with a coupon it's not a bad deal at all.

I started these with 52 stitches on size 2 needles, but after turning the heel, I decreased down to 48 stitches for Daughter's narrow feet. The last pair I made was a bit baggy in the foot.

I started another pair of socks for her immediately, but my hands are tired of tiny needles at the moment. I also cast on for a sweater for AJ, using odds and ends of Paton's Classic Merino. I'm thinking stripes. We'll see what happens...I have so many ideas for sweaters and accessories I want to knit up for both of my children. I am running out of time for some as these kids grow like weeds! I have already missed out on several patterns for Daughter because I simply waited too long and she is too big.

Must. Knit. Faster!

tree

At our old house we had three giant, mature sugar maples in our yard. They dropped approximately one billion leaves on our grass each autumn. Pretty though they were, I was happy to leave them behind.

Then we bought a house with a giant, mature sugar maple in the backyard.


It's majestic.



We play, eat peanut butter sandwiches, and knit in its shade on 88 degree days.


We sometimes rip the bark off of it. (Hey, Daughter, cut it out!)


And pretty soon it will drop one billion of these all over the grass.

So it goes.

feelin' hot-hot-hot

Ooooh, it is muy caliente here these days...we have finally gotten to the hot part of Buffalo summer. It's a bit later than normal but Mother Nature is making up for her tardiness.

To beat the heat we are not so much turning on the oven or stove. Grilling our protein of the day, and making cold sides to go with.

To that end:


Get out a pretty plate.

Pick a fresh tomato from the vine.

Snip some fresh basil off one of the plants growing outside the back door.

Pick up a ball of fresh mozzarella.

Slice it up. Arrange it all pretty-pretty.

Drizzle some good olive oil on top, sprinkle with salt and pepper to taste.


Mangia.

Die happy.


Still life with dinner and pretty girl.

warm

August is evaporating...my thoughts are turning to chilly fall days and cold winter nights. They will be here before long. I am hoping to create some warm things from stash for both kids, but I am a complete sucker for pretty new sock yarns.



Socks for Daughter - her little feet are not so little anymore! Daughter and I went out together the other night and browsed A.C. Moore just for fun. She chose this Red Heart sock yarn for herself. It is Heart & Sole, I believe the "berry bliss" colorway. This is fast becoming a favorite sock yarn in our house! I am a bit embarrassed to admit I have purchased probably half the colorways at this point. But with one ball costing so little with a coupon, it is not a bad way to make my children warm woolly socks. They wash and wear awesomely well. I will continue to buy and use this yarn with my coupons till I exhaust all the color choices!

52 stitches on size 2 needles
knit 50 rows 2x2 rib, knit heel flap, turn heel, knit foot to 6.25" total

Easy peasy. Another pair might have found its way onto the needles the minute the ends were sewn into this pair. I'm trying yet another new sock yarn...what? Can't let those craft store coupons go to waste.

anyone remember this one?

Ahhh, this old chestnut! It's baaaaack...

I love this quilt...it's so purdy. And it's so OLD. I pieced this dumb thing before Daughter was even conceived, which was 2004, so we're talking 5 years now. I pinned it, got ready to quilt it, then got hit with morning sickness the likes of which I did not know existed. Then I picked it up and put it down a bunch of times, went through several ideas on exactly how I wanted to quilt it, and finally, after packing it around dishes in it's unfinished state for our move, I decided IT WAS TIME.

Really, moving to a new home is an excellent way to goose yourself into finishing stuff. I hauled more ufos to this house than I should have.

So anyway, the quilt! It is quilted! I sucked it up, got out the blue painters tape, and quilted this in a diagonal grid pattern, using every other intersecting seam as my guide. Which makes no sense to you, reading this, but it basically means I made about a 2.5 to 3" grid pattern with the quilting. I wish I knew how to stipple, or could afford to have my quilts professionally quilted, because stippling would have been really nice here. But a grid does the job.

Now it just needs to be bound, washed, and dried, and this pretty, pretty log cabin will go into use. Daughter has asked that it go on her bed. Be still, my heart! Of course, my love, of course.

(More, better quality pictures once it is totally finished...)

3

Happy birthday, sweet baby. I miss you every day.



(Baby's quilt now hangs over my cedar chest at the end of our bed.)

sick day

I am sitting here, watching Dr. Phil (laaaaaaaaame!) and working my way through a box of kleenex, listening to my babes cough and toss restlessly as they try to nap.

We are sick. Boo. :(



(Quilt made in 2003 or 2004 using Nancy Halvorsen's "Charms" line...matching pillow in foreground, two coordinating pillowcases and two coordinating valences exist as well.)

here

Ah, so another month goes by. Time flies even as it crawls.

I haven't posted because my mom once told me if I don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. But today I'm just going to say whatever I want.

I wake up each morning in a cloud of sleepy, crabby fog. I'm not sleeping well, partly due to AJ waking several times each night. His teeth are finally coming in, and one of his ear tubes has fallen out, so his ear canals are refilling with fluid. He is in constant discomfort, if not outright pain, and it causes him to wake up crying and digging at his ears. I've tried tylenol, not sure if it has helped or if I've just gotten lucky on the nights he's slept well. (Tubes are being replaced, but not until August 21.)

I then spend my days racing the clock. AJ has to have his first feeding between 8 and 9, which causes some difficulty when he decides to sleep past 8. An 8 ounce feeding that would take a "normal" baby about 1/2 hour to drink takes anywhere from 45 minutes to 1.5 hours for my son, through his g-tube. He retches terribly when the formula hits his stomach in the morning, and we have to go very, very slowly so he can digest with some relative comfort.

Then he has to be back in bed for a morning nap between 9:30 and 10:00, or I will miss my window, he will become overtired, and he will not sleep. Then I have to hope he wakes on his own before noon, preferably at 11:30, so we can get started on lunch. Because he won't really eat any solids, we need another full hour to complete another 8 ounce tube feed, and time to vent the air from his belly (meaning we leave the tube open for about 15-20 minutes). He does sit in the booster and nibble a few cheerios, take maybe 3 sips of water from a cup, and maybe occasionally dip a teething biscuit in some baby food and taste it. But he definitely does not "eat." So we race through as best we can, rushing to complete lunch and digest in time for therapy, which is 4 days per week at 1:30.

Truth be told, I'm not even sure he NEEDS all this therapy, as he is now crawling, standing with assistance, performing all the "skills" a baby his age should be, etc. The only things he is not doing are pulling to a stand (which Daughter did not do either, until she was much, much older...like 14 months maybe?), and eating. I don't know that we need two days of PT and two days of OT every week for these issues. But I am scared to change his treatment and then, several years down the road, have a problem and question why we didn't take advantage of all this free therapy.

But this schedule is a real bummer for us as a family. Daughter is suffering through it, more than any of us. She can't go anywhere or do anything in the mornings, except maybe play outside a little, or race to the grocery store with me between 9 and 9:30, which is our only real window of opportunity Monday through Thursday. When AJ has his therapies, she is constantly being told to sit down and be quiet or find something to do to keep busy. She doesn't understand what these ladies are doing at our house every day - to her they are coming to play with her little brother, but no one comes to play with her. So she becomes a real attention hound during his sessions, and ends up driving everyone nuts. Also as a result of this, she works extra hard to get my attention, both positive and negative. Lots of times...negative.

I try to take the kids to the playground when it is nice, immediately following therapy. We have roughly from 2:30 till just about 4:00, then have to get the baby back in for afternoon nap and feeding. If I don't get him fed between 4 and 5, I will have to make his night feeding even later, meaning I get even less sleep. And then of course there is making dinner and somehow keeping the 4 year-old from destroying something while I work. After that it's cleaning up from dinner, bathing the kids (which thank God we can now do at the same time...AJ can sit up in the big tub now), herding them toward bed, reading stories, preparing formula and feeding tubes, feeding the baby, and then perhaps knitting for 15 minutes before crashing hard.

Somewhere in there I do the laundry, keep the house relatively clean, make sure there is food in the fridge and cupboards, make Hubs' lunches each morning, take a shower, make the beds...

I don't know. It's not exactly the life I ordered. Perhaps I am selfish in wanting a bit more down time, a bit more time for some quiet with my own thoughts, more time for life to proceed naturally rather than following this insanely regulated schedule. Is it any wonder I am not blogging? What the hell am I to blog about? I'm psyched when I have time for knitting or sewing, but there's never a moment to take a photo or compose an entire post about a project I've completed. Life is a series of tasks to complete right now, and I pretty much just move from one to the next. I'm tired and cranky, and sometimes bitter and resentful too.

And everyone says it will get better, it will get easier...but the fact is that it may not. We may get used to this life, but that doesn't mean it will be better or easier for any of us. Right now I am beside myself trying to figure out what to do about preschool for Daughter. She should go, she really should. But it's expensive, for one thing, and for another, how am I supposed to get her there each morning? I look at trying to get AJ out the door in the morning and it practically throws me into a panic. Because his morning feeding makes him physically ill, and because we cannot move the times around or he won't meet his daily caloric requirements, I can't just pick him up, throw him in the car and go. It doesn't work that way for us. But Daughter can't sit in the house for another entire winter just waiting for AJ's schedule to allow her a few brief moments of attention and playtime. I have to think of something.

Anyway. That was long-winded. Just thought I should say something in case anyone was wondering where I've been. I'm here, always here. Just...well, busy is an understatement. But I am here.

let this be a lesson to you

Got the call from our attorney tonight giving us the final amount we have to bring to closing tomorrow.

And it was the wrong number! As in, off by thousands!

This attorney held the funds from the sale of our old home (with our permission, of course) to put toward the purchase of our new home. She also credited us her fee at that time for both transactions. However, the number she called me with tonight did not take those figures into account. I had to ask her exactly how those funds that she withheld would be handled...and she got confused and had to "look up my file." She then called me back with a much nicer number.

So this is just to say, ASK QUESTIONS. Don't just automatically trust someone because they are a lawyer or whatever. It can really make a difference!

looking for laffs

Ok. So. We are busily prepping to move all our crap from disparate locations to our new home this week/weekend (stuff in storage, stuff at my parents' house, lawn mower at my in-laws' house [don't ask]), AFTER we clean out the house that has been rented by a single guy and is therefore caked with filth, and I am in desperate need of levity.

I found it. Go here and view OHMommy's video blog of her drive to Chicago with three kids. Awesome.

stashbusting

I kind of don't like that word..."stashbusting." It just sounds corny to me. But it is the best description of what's been going on around here lately. AMAZING what you can make out of what's already there. I haven't bought yarn (other than to fulfill etsy orders) in months. And I don't need to, either.

Let's browse through the items I've been able to make. My itchy twitchy fingers have been busy as I wait for my new house to close. To calm my nerves throughout the process, I've been knitting. Boy howdy, have I been knitting!

First up, a baby gift for my husband's boss. They have two elementary age boys and gave it one more go, and they are having a wee girl. So exciting! I had to whip something up.
Knitting pure & simple neck-down baby cardigan in size 6 months, plus a hat of my own "design" (meaning I didn't follow any particular pattern, just winged it). The yarn was part of a clearance purchase at Joann's last summer...it is 100% wool, worsted weight and very soft, from their Sensations line, but I can't quite remember the actual yarn name. I do remember that it was $.99 per ball. Frugal!

Next up, a sweater for Daughter to wear this coming fall, again from Joann's clearance yarn.

This is a top-down raglan, made using the "raglans unlimited" pattern that I've posted about before. Nice pattern because it goes from a toddler size 2 up to a men's size 52 chest, but fiddly because they call for the sleeves to be knit flat and seamed, and also they expect you to use teeny needles for the ribbing, which I think looks way outdated and ridiculous. I used larger needles than called for and my ribbing still pulls in a bit much for my taste. Good pattern, just needs some tweaking.

Anyway, it's moda dea washable wool in raspberry, only 3 skeins which were $1.98 each. CHEAP sweater! Oh, and the buttons? Yeah, that's what happens when you let the 4 year-old choose. Oh well, they had to be huge because the buttonholes are huge in this pattern (another change I will make when using this pattern again). No chance of anyone accidentally picking up this sweater and taking it home.

And something for the little man:

I still don't know how I feel about this one. Ugly? Not sure.

In an effort to use up stash, I had to combine colors, so this is the knitting pure & simple top down hoodie, size 18 months, knit in Wool-Ease worsted weight. The colors are denim and charcoal gray. Both leftovers I dug out of the bag 'o scrap yarn. Still need to weave in the ends on this one, but there is time. It's quite large and intended for this coming fall/winter for AJ. If nothing else, it will be good for playing outside in autumn leaves and dirt!

And finally, I've been knitting up some soakers from my wool leftovers.
These have sold fairly well in my etsy shop, but I may keep the ones I'm currently making for AJ. These are Patons Classic Merino in various colors, size 6-12 months.

Backstory: I have been using prefold cloth diapers and Gerber vinyl pants because they work and are cost effective. I have some lovely higher quality covers (thank you again Karen!!) but I really can't justify buying the pricier covers for my son. He is my last and I don't see any family members doing cloth diapers in the future, so I'm going for inexpensive covers. HOWEVER, the "new and improved" Gerber pants totally suck it. They are made of some new thing called "peva" and are now much more flimsy and low quality than they were in the past. I have put my finger right through several pair while pulling them up over a diaper, and the side seams have come apart just through normal use and washing. They are total crap, and I wrote to Gerber to tell them so! They are sending me a postage paid envelope so I can send them the ripped pair I have, but I have thrown away several ripped pairs. I will tell them that and hopefully be reimbursed for all of them, but it's not the money...I just wish they would make a quality product again!

Anyway, in light of the fact that I can't seem to stop accidentally ruining the Gerber pants, I have decided to give wool soakers another go. So I think I will keep on knitting them up, keep some, and put some in the shop. They are like the potato chips of knitting...can't knit just one! They are easy, addictive, and can be worked on while watching children play on beautiful summer days.

So that's what's recently come from the stash. I thought I wouldn't have much knitting time this year, but as of today I've finished 19 items...almost entirely from stash! I've completed 1 pair of longies, 10 soakers, 4 pair of socks, 4 (child size) sweaters, and 1 hat. Not bad.

And after AJ's therapist leaves this afternoon:

Ahhh, summer.

boring

Ay-yi-yi, my life is so weird. I feel so busy every day, like I never have a second to sit down and relax, and yet, when evening comes and I collapse into bed, I feel I've accomplished approximately nothing.

Our old house finally closed last week. It took one whole extra month from the date in our sales contract, which sucks out loud, and it was all because our buyer changed lenders and didn't tell anyone. &#^*#^$!!!!!!

We are in the process of gathering up all the required paperwork for our new house purchase so we can hopefully close on that by the end of the month. I am so not looking forward to the work of moving in to a new house, but I am looking forward to being in our own home again.

The wee lad is doing better every day. He is on the cusp of crawling, needs a haircut really badly, weighs in at 17 lbs, 11.5 oz, and is a whopping 29" long. A tall drink of water to be sure. Tall and skinny runs in the family, so I guess that's ok.

Just when I am getting really down about his eating ablities, he surprises me. Today he picked up and fed himself at least 6 cheerios without choking on any. Gummed them apart and swallowed them all...I didn't have to reach in and snag a single cheerio from the back of his throat. You don't know what a miraculous accomplishment this is. He also willingly ate (i.e. opened his mouth for) several mouthfuls of baby oatmeal. Again, miraculous. Of course, tomorrow he will probably lock his little mouth shut and refuse everything. *sigh* It's an emotional roller-coaster around here. I am doing my best.

That's it, really. Just knitting in whatever free time I can scrounge. Taking care of kids. Doing laundry, washing dishes, etc. Normal life stuff. Boring.

frugal footwear

Before I totally lose any street cred I once had as a knit blogger, I figure I should show you some actual knitting.

I recently declared that I would be much more frugal with my knitting and sewing for the foreseeable future. So I'm putting my money where my mouth is:


Matchy-matchy socks for me and Daughter! Aren't they cute?

I am all about trying new sock yarns that I can afford, and I got this Joann Sensations "soles and more" with two coupons and a Christmas gift card. (As an aside, whenever I see this brand of yarn at my local Joann's, I want to say it with jazz hands..."sen-SAAAAYYYY-shuns!" Ok, so I am a loser. What can I say?)

Anyway, two skeins of yarn made two pair of socks, with my Daughter's choice of navy blue solid for the toes. I knit mine in my usual way, 60 stitches on size 2 needles, top-down. Daughter's are knit with my usual 48 stitches on size 2 needles, but hers are toe-up.

I have a love/hate relationship with toe-up socks. I want to love them, but all that wrapping and turning and trying to avoid holes makes me crazy. However, if you are trying to be frugal and use up what you have, toe-up is the way to go, because you can just knit till you run out of yarn. I figured I wouldn't have quite enough to make two complete socks for her, so I had her choose a solid toe color. I could have made it with just the leftovers, but the socks would have been a little skimpy. I prefer she have taller socks for our chilly Buffalo winters.

Once I finished these, my immediate urge was to head out and check out the local Michael's store, which is totally revamping its yarn department this spring. I know there are some major bargains to be found...but then my allergy to spending kicked in, and I used my cash to get some groceries for the week instead.

As for right this minute, AJ is sleeping, Daughter is at the playground with my mom, and I have a sweater to finish for Hubs' boss and his wife, who are expecting a baby girl this summer. It's yet another Knitting Pure and Simple neck-down cardigan (I think I have made at least a dozen of those by now)...and it is knit from stash yarn, of course. It's a stunningly beautiful day, too, so I think I'll park it outside with my tea and my needles and just enjoy a few precious minutes to myself.

going green

Home inspection went well, all is moving along. Still waiting on the clown attorneys to set an official closing date for our old house, but they assure us all is well and it will be "soon." Did our mortgage application last week, now we just sit on our bottoms and wait. In NY it takes anywhere from 30 days to (supposedly) 60 days to close on a house, but we are at about 75 and counting on our old house. It is up to the purchaser's attorney and the bank attorney to set everything up; we will basically be the last to know when it's a go. What a pain. Oy.

Anyway, on to the point of this post - going green. No, it is not a post about being all granola-crunchy-tree-huggy. Not at all. It is a post about CASH. Cold, hard, green cash.

I have decided to quit the credit card habit except in the case of pumping gas (so I won't have to drag 2 kids into a gas station every time I fill up). Our new home will be so much more expensive than our old one that we need to keep the budget tighter than ever. I've recently developed the strong opinion that going to a cash-only system for our purchases will help us with that. Hubs disagrees - he believes you can "track" your purchases better with a credit card...but I believe you can use cash and when it's gone, that's it. You know what you bought when you had to think about it carefully and give up the green.

Today, I proved the point to myself. I took out some actual green cash money at the ATM, and went shopping for the groceries I needed. It was amazing how fast that money disappeared, and I only bought the bare minimum. Normally I would have purchased more. Then, this afternoon, I swung by walmart because that's the only place in town that sells any kind of teething biscuit. I had plans to buy the biscuits and beat feet out of there, but you know walmart. That place (and Target) are like heroin to me...I browse around, just checking stuff out, looking for sales, etc.

Today I found, and PASSED UP:

Large spools of coats & clark thread on clearance for $.75 each
Plain, solid-color tee shirts in my son's size for $2.50 each
Gerber undershirts that I've kind of been wanting for AJ, but did not need for $7.00
Fabric, ooooooh fabric
Yarn and yarny accessories
Sewing patterns
Adorable buttons for knitting/sewing projects

And there was probably more. I mean, I had two spools of that thread in my hands, in neutral colors, perfect for sewing just about anything...and then my brain slapped me upside the head. Did I really NEED those threads? In a year or two or three when I finally broke them out and used them, would I even care that I got them for $.75? Do I want to store them for that long before I need them? Gosh, no wonder I have so much crap! I am a credit card junkie crack whore*! Seriously! In the not-too-distant past I would have totally loaded up on those threads for that price. I would certainly have grabbed a few tee shirts for the kids. But when my brain asked me if I wanted to hand over actual green cash money for that stuff? WOW. Wowwy, wow, wow.

I can't believe I've gotten to this point. Remember when you babysat in high school and you were so psyched to have like, $50 in cash to spend at the Gap? And you were careful(ish) about what you bought, because that was all the money you had and when it was gone, it was gone.

I have forgotten how to live like that.

Today at walmart I walked out with a box of biter biscuits, 4 jars of baby food, and one pair of white socks that my son actually desperately needs. My total was $4.47 because I was paying CASH. If I had been using plastic? That total would have easily been $15-$20. And you know what? It truly hurt to hand over that $5 bill! Because hey, guess what, now it's gone!

This is going to be a painful experiment, I can tell. But I think it's going to be successful in the long run. If I can get my husband to play along, and so far he is but it's only been a few days, well then we might actually get somewhere with paying down debts and sticking to our budget.

*We pay our bill off every month, though. Never carry a balance, never pay fees/interest charges. But shoot, how does it get up over $1000 each month? And what the heck did I buy on those 4 trips to Target? I DON'T EVEN KNOW.

in which i am prevented from indulging in one of my hobbies

Well, our home inspection is scheduled for this afternoon, so I guess this is really happening. Holy moly. I am so anxious and nervous and nauseated and scared...oh, and excited. But mostly those other things. Oy.

I think I'll take Daughter over during the inspection so she can check out her new digs. We might as well go all-out and measure some windows, too, so I can see if my old window treatments will work or if I have to make some new ones.

I have the strongest urge to sew stuff just now. I especially want to make a wee quilt for my boy, as I did not make one before he was born. Unfortunately, my fabric stash is in bins and hidden away at the very back of a storage unit. Frick. Would it be wrong to take some of our precious savings and go to Joann's for a few yards of fabric? *sigh* Yes, I guess it would be wrong, considering how much fabric I already own. Frickety-frick!

new house

Holy crow, it seems we've purchased a new house.

We still have to close this week on our OLD house, but our agent assures us everything is now in place and they just have to schedule the meeting to sign the paperwork. Aargh! I wish they would hurry it up.

But anyway, we got this swingin' 60s split level, right smack in the middle of the town we want, the schools we want, the shopping, our families, etc, etc...it's truly everything we are looking for, updated and nice. We will just have to buy a fridge and a new sofa (the old ones were not fit for human use any longer), and move on in. The guy was asking a price well above our upper limit, so we went back and forth a couple times before finally saying, look, this is our highest price, we understand if you can't meet it. And guess what? Dude met our price. We got the hizz-ouse!

Note, though, that I said he met our highest price. We are going to be somewhat house-poor for awhile as we adjust to this new mortgage situation in a few months. So expect to see me heading back into seamstress mode as I sew up lots of dresses and jumpers for Daughter, and simple pull-on pants for both kids. I expect you'll also see plenty of kid socks made from the scraps of socks I've knit in the past, mixed with solid heels/toes to stretch the stash. (That is, if I ever get it in gear and take some photos.) We'll be up against it making this new lifestyle work, and the budget will not be large for clothes! I was moaning about my fabric and yarn stashes when we were moving out of our old house, but now I'm feeling awfully thankful to have all those supplies.

Well, anyway, we still have to go through the whole inspection process and mortgage application and all that crapola, so it will be awhile before anything really happens. But I feel pretty excited that things are moving forward. It will be kind of scary, and kind of financially tight, but we will be putting our lives back together, and that feels very good indeed.

good job!

Yesterday I fell down the stairs. Of course it was while I was carrying my baby. My foot went out from under me on the landing and I fell down the last 4 steps, bouncing on my tailbone all the way. I smashed both forearms, the left on the steps and the right on the railing/banister. But I think, other than a wee tiny bump against one of the banister posts, that my son escaped unscathed. It scared the bejeebers out of him, as evidenced by the crying, but that might have been related more to the scream I let out than the actual fall.

Today I have a huge bruise on my butt, bruises on both arms, my back aches, my right leg is kind of tingly, and I can't quite turn my head to the left. It sucks, but overall I am pretty amazed that I was able to protect my son as well as I did. It could have been much worse.

So, you know. Awesome. Good job, mom.

random things

Last night, my now 4 year old daughter read me "green eggs and ham" in its entirety. It took a solid half-hour, running her little finger under each and every word, but she read that entire g-d book to me.

How am I supposed to find a preschool for this child?!?

***

Still haven't gotten a solid closing date from the peeps buying our house. We've moved our crappe out, signed all the papers on our end, and now we are just.............waiting. The anxiety is going to give me an ulcer. Please don't let this fall through, Lord.

In related news, I still haven't found a house I can afford in the area where we want to live that ISN'T a dump. Or 1000 square feet. Hubs has found us several foreclosures that are 2500 square feet-ish, but neither of us has the ability or the inclination (or the funds, actually) to make the necessary repairs these homes would need. Yes, the huge square footage is tempting, but replacing the siding that the former owners apparently used for target practice, or the windows that were installed in 1973, or the 3 layers of kitchen floor, or the rotting deck, etc, etc. is not really within the realm of possibility.

It's kind of like saying we'll quit shopping for clothes and I will make my family's entire wardrobe from now on. Yeah, it's physically possible and technically feasible, but come on. I don't have all the necessary ability, it would be hella-expensive (compared to my usual Kohl's/Target/Old Navy bargain hunting) and I would have to spend all my free time sewing from now until eternity. We would all end up irritated, naked, and miserable. So, too, with a ratty foreclosure. We just can't make it happen.

So that leaves me with trying to squirrel away as much money as possible, praying for extra side work for Hubs, and praying for the miracle of some sort of bargain house that's in the 1700-1800 square foot range, doesn't need mega repairs, and falls within our price range. Fun!

***

My sweet, darling baby boy is not eating much. I've been in a constant state of worry and anxiety for months over this, but now that he is approaching 8 months of age, the worry is ramping up. He is growing and gaining on his formula and breastmilk diet, but almost entirely refuses the bottle, and only eats a few nibbles of cereal or pureed foods. He seems to enjoy a teething biscuit occasionally, and will play with a sippy cup but doesn't drink anything. I hope and pray that we are able to look back one day and say, "ha, remember when he had that feeding tube and that's how we had to feed him all the time? phew, glad that's over!" but we are nowhere near that yet. It makes me kind of sad.

***

At least I have a chicken roasting in the oven, a happy child playing with little people in the family room, a sweet baby napping upstairs, and some knitting to curl up with.

One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time.

where am i?

Are you serious? I haven't posted since March 22nd? Well, we are in the midst of closing on our house, and my husband is harassing the hell out of me to find a new home ASAP, and I'm working through a few complications with my son's feeding issues, and desperately trying to figure out what to do about preschool for Daughter considering I don't know where we will be living come September...

In other words, I'm drowning. Just trying to hang on while also doing the everyday stuff of life. Blogging is obviously taking a waaayyyyyy back seat.

Hope everyone is having a nice Spring. I'll be in-and-out around here for the next several months as we sort our lives out and get settled in a new home.

moving stuff

We got our closing date for the sale of our hizz-ouse...it should be either April 23 or 24. So yesterday I started packing. Uuuuuugggghhh. I did A LOT, and my body now hates me for packing and carrying eleventy thousand books down from the second floor. Along with several bins of fabric, bins and boxes of sewing paraphenalia, bins and bags of Daughter's clothing (from birth to 3 years, oh my word that's a lot of clothing), and so on.

The house is 1.5 stories, so the second floor is really just one large room plus a half bath. The closet in the bath is empty, the closet in the room is empty, and most of our stuff is downstairs, packed and stacked and ready for a dolly to wheel it out. That's my plan...to have everything packed and stacked well before "moving day" so as to make things move more quickly. We've all had that sucky move where we're scrambling to pack up the last few things when the truck is already there, yeah? IT BLOWS. So I'm trying to avoid that.

Problem is, we are not living there and it is 45 minutes away, so getting out there and having time to do a lot of packing is challenging. Thank God for my parents, who watch the kids so we can get it done. I'll be heading out Friday, I think, to do the kitchen cabinets. Then again over the weekend to do, oh, I don't know...maybe one of the bedrooms. Luckily we've been moving some of our crap out piecemeal as we need it. So it's not going to be a totally hellish move. Just kind of hellish. As moves generally are.

Oh, I am so tired. There is much to do in the next 30 days or so.

And no, we don't have a new house picked out yet. We're going to hang out and save up a few more dollars for a bit, so we can buy more house and make a better downpayment. It's not the ideal situation, staying with my parents (we feel like losers, even though we're not, thank you very much), but we can really sock away some extra dough this way. We're trying to go from a cheap area to a very expensive area by sneaking in - perhaps a foreclosure or something - so our children can have a better life, basically. The schools where both our parents live are #1 in the area, and with a very bright preschooler and a baby who may or may not require services in the future, we really feel we need the best. So we're trying to shoehorn ourselves into a ritzy suburb even though we're not technically on the same financial footing as most of the residents. In a few years it should be so much better...I'll be able to go back to work, probably part-time, and we'll hammer down our debts. But it's going to be tight for the next 5 years or so.

Still, a better life for the kids. That's my focus and my goal. We have to do it for them, they deserve all we can possibly do for them. But wow, it is stressful and exhausting. I've taken to grinding my teeth...during the day. I can't wait for the time when I can start living my life again, rather than scratching and clawing my way through the days. That time will come, right? Please tell me that time will come.

hey, i thought this was a knitting blog

Wow, when was the last time I had a picture of some knitting on here? Good heavens. It has been awhile.

I've been pretty much knitting soakers for the Etsy shop, and socks. I'm on a major sock kick (ha! funny!) right now for some reason. Perhaps because I only knit TWO PAIR of adult socks in all of 2008. That's just ridiculous for me. I did knit 3.5 pair of child-size socks for Daughter, but that hardly counts. They are teeny.


This is the most recent pair I finished for her. The yarn was purchased last summer when I first discovered Red Heart's Heart & Sole sock yarn (I went on a bit of a buying spree because, hey, only like $2.50 with a coupon, awesome), and the socks were started when AJ was still in the hospital. I couldn't concentrate on anything more complicated at the time, and still they took months.

Heart & Sole sock yarn, I believe this is the "mellow stripe" colorway.
US size 2 Brittany Birch double pointed needles, two of which inexplicably broke during the knitting of these socks (yes I will be returning them as they are guaranteed).
Cast on 48 stitches, 2X2 rib for the leg, work heel flap, etc, etc, kitchener stitch toe. Couldn't be easier.

And for me:

These are some interesting socks. If by interesting you mean fugly. What a hideous colorway! This is "Lily Pad Multi" Knitpicks Essentials sock yarn, but I have named these my "Pond Scum" socks, because that is what they remind me of. Ugh!

The yarn came as part of a sock sampler that Hubs gave me for Christmas 2007. I thought it was about time I used some of that up! (Perhaps the reason for the sock knitting obsession these days...) Anyway, I would never have picked out this yarn on my own. It's gnarly.

The pattern is from Knitting Vintage Socks - which is not in the room with me so I can't recall the exact pattern name. Gentlemen's socks with lozenge pattern? Could that be it?

Here is a closeup:


I love the pattern. Very textured and it lends some interest to an otherwise boring old sock. I decided it's also time to start working my way through some of the umpteen pattern books I own. How many of you do what I do - just collect the darn books and look through them every once in awhile, but never actually use them to make stuff? How lame! Time to start putting these yarns and patterns to use!

I did modify the pattern a bit, as I will have to do for ALL of the socks in this book. I can't make it work with the tiny needles she recommends. I used a US 2 for these socks, and modified them down to 60 stitches, as I am not a gentleman and do not need 80+ stitches for my socks. They came out very nice and I will wear them, but boy are they ugly.

I've got some other projects in the works, and will try to post about them soon. The problem I have is finding the opportunity to take pictures. I'm definitely knitting...can't stop knitting...if the house were on fire I'd be all, "coming! Just let me finish this row!" But it's tough to blog about it for some reason. Just busy these days, I guess.

Things are going pretty well with the kids and stuff, though, so I'm slowly, slowly easing back into some normal life activities. I'm hoping blogging will come along as well.

feed me, seymour

Ok, so, that's interesting! It turns out NONE of us actually knows how to feed a baby! (joking)

Seriously, though, the comments to my last post were very interesting. And I understand all the people who were scratching their heads and trying to recall what they did when feeding their 6 month-old babies, because that's totally me with Daughter. I know I fed her. I know she liked the food - I managed to write that part down. And I have really sketchy info in the baby book about how she was eating at 8.5 and 10 months...but aside from a few photos of her in the high chair, I have no idea how I started her on solids. So, so frustrating.

And I know I will not do my son any harm by giving him minimal solids now - babies get most of their nutrition from breastmilk or formula for the first year anyway.

There are two things at play here, for me. One is that I subconsciously want to get rid of his g-tube as quickly as possible, and of course I refuse to believe that he might have to keep it for more than a couple of years. Possibly unreasonable, yes, but people, after what I have been through it is pretty reasonable for me to be unreasonable sometimes. I guess I am struggling with rushing him into eating regular foods/meals because I need to prove that he will be able to eat. It's a very tricky and emotional road to navigate when you have a child with a feeding tube, let me tell you.

And the other thing is that I am parenting my son under a medical microscope. He is constantly seeing medical professionals from many disciplines, and while my brain realizes this is totally ridiculous, I live with the constant fear that I will be "yelled at" by one of these doctor-types for doing something wrong.....not necessarily harmful, but somehow not in the best interest of my baby. So, for example, I am sorely tempted to dump one bottle (6 oz, or 144 calories) and replace it with two "food" meals (making up the calories with cereal/milk mix and fruits/veg). I have to believe this is the path Daughter went down - she could not have been nursing a total quantity of 30 ounces per day PLUS eating all the food she consumed. I just don't believe it. But the difference is, when you breastfeed, no one has any clue how much the baby is actually getting. You just have to go by their weight and general appearance and assume you're doing ok. With these infernal bottles and stinking g-tube, I have total accountability. There is no fudging or faking it. If he doesn't gain enough, it is totally on me. Talk about a tricky emotional road. Which is filled with potholes. And speedbumps. And is poorly lit, to boot. Ay-yi-yi.

Oh well, I guess I will continue to do the best I can. What else can I do? I just wish I felt more confident about it.

and again i am asking for your help

Changing tracks a bit here, I have a very important question for those of you who bottle-fed your children.

I am in a very weird place with trying to transition my son to eating solid foods. He loves the baby cereals and tolerates first foods (fruit and veg), and is just in the preliminary stages of trying a sippy cup. Yee haw.

The problem is, he is a little guy, still (just over 14 lbs at 6 months) and he can't take in the number of ounces of milk/formula recommended PLUS eat the amount of baby foods also recommended for his age. I have a chart that the feeding clinic and the pediatrician told me to follow, but it has my son ingesting 4-5 bottles per day at 6-8 ounces each, PLUS several tablespoons of cereal twice per day PLUS several tablespoons of first foods twice per day. Oh my gosh, he just can't hold all that food. I know he can't because he likes to eat, but turns away from the spoon if he is not hungry.

Now, the problem is that he is bottle fed, and not only that, he is also tube fed. He will drink about 1-2 ounces out of a 6 ounce bottle, then I put the rest through his g-tube. This ensures that he gets all the calories he needs for growth - otherwise he would be a 'failure to thrive' baby because he cannot ingest enough to maintain growth.

So if he were just breastfed on demand like Daughter, I would feed him solids at lunch and dinner, and then nurse him whenever else he fussed or was going down for naps/bed. Unfortunately I can't go that way, even subbing bottles for the nursing part, because he simply won't drink enough to sustain himself. So it's not like I can just wing it and not worry about the calories. I have to because he is essentially force-fed. Ugh.

I know he still needs the majority of his nutrition from milk and formula. However, I also want him to start to experience eating and regular meals with us. I just don't know how to get it all into him, though.

Anyway, all that aside, what I would like to know from the bottle-feeders out there is this: how did you go about starting solids with your children? My son wakes at 7 am, and goes to sleep at 8:30 or so at night, and I just can't figure out how to cram all this eating into the 12-ish hours he is awake during the day (aside from naps of course, which further complicate things).

When you bottle-feed, do you always automatically start the day with a bottle? Or did any of you go right to offering cereal and fruit for breakfast? If your child ate solids well at a meal, when did you then give a bottle? How many ounces of milk or formula were your babies drinking at 6 months? I would appreciate as much information as any of you can recall. Leave a comment or drop me an email (momwhoknits AT yahoo DOT com).

We go to feeding clinic again in 2 weeks, and I'm going to ask them to lay it out for me the way they think it should be done, with specific numbers of ounces and tablespoons and times, etc. I know they'll give me crappy, sketchy information like they always do. I just want to do the best I can for my son and I'm having such a hard time with this.

Any help anyone can offer me will be gratefully accepted. I'm really struggling.

unbelievable

Holy &*#$^*&@, the house passed inspection, and not only that, these people want to know how much of our furniture and which appliances we are willing to sell them.

Seriously???

I am so used to having shitty luck that I truly do not know how to handle this. I'm simply blown away. This is really happening. We are being released from the worst decision we have made as a couple and given a chance to move forward. God is good. I don't know what else to say.

best. news. ever.

Someone bought our house.

I'm scared to get too excited because the house still needs to pass inspection, but oh, it is hard not to get excited. I have been praying for this for so long. A better life for my children. Closer to family, friends, and everything. We have been through so much, and this feels like we are finally catching a break.

Thank you, God, for this blessing! Now please, please don't let it fall through...

winter doldrums

Hello, all. Still here. Cold. Bored. Listless.

Winter sucks. Especially with wee children. They take cabin fever to a whole new level.

There has been a bit of knitting.







Exciting, no? No, not really. These are for sale over on Etsy.

There's a sock in progress that I pick up and put down, knitting one or two rounds at a time. I'm still sort-of working on the big, boring off-white raglan I started a couple months back. Finished Daughter's stripey socks, finally, that were started before AJ made it home from the hospital (must remember to get photo...she put them on right after the ends were woven in, and wore them for two days straight). And I've knit about 1/3 of the back of a Trellis sweater for a baby girl due in May. I remember making one for Daughter - picked out the yarn at a local shop when she was just weeks old, riding in the Bjorn carrier. Can it be that was 3.5 years ago? Holy cow.

Anyway. Longing for more sunshine, warm breezes, longer days, and time outside. Can't wait to head to the playground and turn Daughter loose while AJ and I chill on a blanket. Soooooooo sick of winter.

tragedy

4 miles from where my babies lay sleeping.

stuff 'n stuff

Ugh, people. I am so busy, and yet I feel like I am doing nothing. February, oh February, with your long dark days and freezing temps...how you torture me.

Although, with a relatively new baby and an almost 4 year old, it is going by more quickly than usual. And the past few days have seen unseasonable "warmth" - temps in the 40s and even low 50s. All the snow pack that's been hanging around through a very, very bone-chilling January has melted off. Bad for those who dwell near creeks (ice jams=flooding, big time), great for those of us who just want to walk outside wearing fewer than 4 layers of clothing and outerwear.

Today, we took a walk.

We played in the dirty snow piles.


We thought about collecting these pinecones, till it was discovered that they are mushy and soft after months buried under snow.


We splashed around in puddles in giraffe boots.


And we pondered frightening lawn decor. Seriously, in the front yard? What the hell IS this thing? Ugh. Scary.

Well, winter will be back in full force by the weekend, so we enjoyed this jaunt around the block. Despite the 51 degree temperature reading on the stroller (it has time/temp), it felt very cold and damp. AJ zonked out in his heavy sweater and blanket cocoon, so we headed back to the house for cocoa and a fire in the fireplace. It certainly isn't Spring yet, but it was a nice reprieve!

blue screen of doom

My computer crashed.

It was the evil blue screen of doom...the one that informs you Windows will not start up because if it does surely a nuclear bomb will go off, or some equally horrifying thing. It wouldn't even restart in safe mode. I'm telling you, it was d.e.a.d.

Luckily I am married to a computer genius. His brain can do anything when it comes to a computer. Through the magic of Linux he was able to salvage my stuff, including, oh, just every single photograph ever taken of our children. We have discussed backing those photos up for the past 4 years, and now it's been done. Yikes. We'll be doing that more frequently in the future.

He was also able to rescue all my "important files," which in my world are my blog photos, patterns and pictures, scans of patterns, etc. And my budget spreadsheet. Don't know where I'd be without that.

So it looks like I'll still have most of my stuff, though I'll have to rebuild my blog list and go hunt down all the links I had bookmarked. Small price to pay to get my laptop lifeline back.

Gosh, remember when we didn't even have computers?