etiquette 101

Thanks for the funny and kind comments about my playgroup anxiety. In response to some of your thoughts: this is a community ed thing through our school district, it is only 1 hour per week, and I am not as crazy as I made myself sound. I behaved perfectly normally, truly I did...I just felt like I needed to run about 5 miles when we left to blow off all the pent up nerves. I'm not good at being the new kid. Anyway, it was fine, really it was, and we are going back next week.

And now I have an etiquette question (unrelated to the playgroup).

Part of the reason I haven't blogged much is because the biggest thing going on around here has nothing to do with me. Back in March, my bro-in-law (Hubs' brother, who I will call "C") finally proposed to his looooooooooooooongtime girlfriend ("M"). Now, C and M have been living together in her house (not her parents' house, her actual house that she bought) while C tried to get his life figured out. He graduated with a degree in sociology in 2002, but has been knocking around trying to get a police job ever since. All he's had is security work, until finally he was accepted into the US Border Patrol, which we think is pretty awesome. So he's been away at their academy since January, while M remained here, working and whatnot. She went to visit him on her birthday and he proposed (awww), and plans immediately commenced.

Their engagement is to be only 6 months, which seems so short to me, but he will be stationed in California so they want to speed things up for M to move out there. So things are coming rather quickly. Hubs was asked to be a groomsman/usher, and Daughter was asked to be a flower girl (which we declined based on the fact that she will be less than 2.5 years old at that time, and also with Hubs being at the altar who would help me wrangle her?), but I was not asked to participate. That's fine with me, but my question is this: what role do I play in the preparations...specifically, her shower(s)?

Hubs has only the one bro, no sisters, so there are no women from "our" side of the family involved. The bridesmaids are to be M's only sister and I guess some friends (possibly cousins, I don't know). We are not very close to C and M, because they are 4 and 5 years younger than we are. Hubs was never tight with his bro due to that age gap. We see them once in a great while, mostly at my in-laws' house. Case in point - Hubs is NOT the best man. C chose a friend instead (as did Hubs for our wedding).

So I'm just not sure if I should hang around and wait for a shower invitation, or if I should offer to help somehow. If so, who would I even contact? My mother has told me that, typically, a girl's own mother/sister/grandmother do not hold a shower (though I realize people do it), so I don't know if I should speak with them or not. I've never even met those women. I guess I don't HAVE to do anything, but I'd feel awful if 5 or 10 years down the road it came out that they were aghast that I didn't offer any help.

Here is your chance to play Miss Manners. What would you do?